Life According to Being Sam's Mom

WTB 5 - Why Doesn't God Fix It?

2012-01-21T09:45:00.002-05:00

A common refrain in the debates over whether there is a God and whether He is good is, "If He's so all-powerful and loving, why doesn't He fix all the bad stuff, or allow it to happen in the first place?"

The answer to the latter is easy: He didn't allow it. He gave specific instructions against it. But first we rebelled by eating from the only excluded tree. Then He gave us a bunch of rules to live by (most of which can be summed up as "don't do bad stuff to each other"), and we rebelled again. Then he took those rules and gave us a living embodiment of himself in our hearts to always remind us and whisper into our consciences. Still we rebelled. He did not allow any of it. What He allowed was the amazing gift of free will. It was us who chose to allow such atrocities against Creation.

It has long been a complaint of mine that in the Great Debates, many who believe in God aren't able to respond to the allegations of a morally monstrous God with accounts of genocide and favoritism amounting to racial prejudice. From the time God established His covenant with Abraham, on a hillside where Abraham slept amongst the butchered bodies of the animals he sacrificed, it was known that the region that would eventually become the land of Israel would spiral into such moral decay as to be deemed evil in every aspect. God had already said Isra'el would be slaves 400 years and only then brought back to the land to claim it because only then would the degree of evil become "ripe enough to punish". That's reiterated in a couple places and came up again in today's writing:

After the LORD helps you wipe out these nations and conquer their land, don't think he did it because you are such good people. You aren't good - you are stubborn! No, the LORD is going to help you, because the nations that live there are evil, and because he wants to keep the promise he made to your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Deut 9:4-6 (CEV)

God also takes care of that argument of favoritism here. Isra'el was and is, indeed, chosen. They were chosen through an express agreement. It's also worth noting that while they had the same free will as anyone else, they were kept on the "straight and narrow" (and prevented from falling as deeply into a pit of evil as all the other nations) by being particularly chastised and disciplined. While other nations had centuries of doing what seemed good in their eyes with no immediate repercussions, Israel was handed over to enslavement, had chasms rip through the middle of camp taking out the tents of those who pilfered, were smote with plagues, and pretty strictly kept in line. They were favored, but never forget it came at a price of having to live up to the reputation of "God's Chosen People". They were the modern day equivalent of the Pastor's kids; still able to rebel but held perhaps a bit more tightly in line because everyone would be watching to see what the walk looks like to go with the talk.

But another thought occurred to me this morning as I was writing these passages. If we understand that the land was filled with people so evil as to do what they did (and history and archaeology in secondary sources tell us it was some pretty horrendous stuff), God was using Isra'el as an extremely targeted, scalpel-like instrument to remove the most evil elements. He was, in short, "fixing it". And look at what many have done with that account a couple millennium later - it is used to show how awful God is and why people should turn away from Him. It is also a historical lesson in 'be careful what you wish for'. I expect if God were to "fix" the many bad things in our world, there would be widespread death and carnage as the negative elements were removed. As we look at the account of Israel moving across the land and cringe, even as some of us try to hold it in a certain context, it is not an easy scene to assimilate. Could we handle that in our own day and age?

More than that, do we understand that the Word we're given is a powerful tool of witness and explanation (not to be confused with defending). In one breath, a person will ask, "If God is so loving, why doesn't He fix the world" and then in the next breath ask, "If God is so loving, how could He have wiped out whole nations of people?" And for us, it is a perfect opportunity to declare that He wouldn't be much of a Creator God if we fully understood His ways, but it sure seems like a case of an unanswered prayer being easier to bare than if He truly fixed it as we sometimes ask...

WTB 4 - My Beloved Sh'ma

2012-01-09T09:13:00.001-05:00

Sh'ma Isra'el! ADONAI Eloheinu ADONAI Echad.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
And you are to love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your might (or resources).

I love what is called "The Shema," a group of verses that begins with the above, Deut 6:4-5. It stood out to me the first time I read through the Old Testament and remains one of my very most favorite pieces of Scripture. I sing it to myself sometimes. I sing it to Sam often. He sings it to me and to Amol just as often. In Hebrew. It's the one piece of Scripture Amol knows by heart. In the children's books I got Sam (The Bedtime Sh'ma and Modeh Ani), his favorite page is when we get to this phrase.

A quick break down of the original language of this, according to Strong's, makes this a very emphatic and urgent verse.
Sh'ma - Hear. But not just to register an auditory signal. No, this is "to hear intelligently with implication of attention, obedience, and causatively, to tell or proclaim."
ADONAI or LORD is to let us know the actual use of the specific name of God was used, reserved for times when only the most reverent reference will do. And here it's used twice in a row. That tells us something.
Finally, Echad - one. A rich word meaning one, first, and interestingly, united.

It is Scripture like this that makes me wish I knew Hebrew to read it in its original fullness, though something about it just stands out as important in any language. And it is, which is why amongst our Jewish cousins, it is repeated 3 times a day, to always keep it forefront in the mind and first in the heart. It is also the most important commandment, according to Jesus. It poetically goes on:

Hear, Israel! The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
And you are to love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your resources. These Words, which I am commanding you today shall be in your heart, and you shall be careful to impress them upon your children, and shall speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up... Deut 6:4-7 (CJB & The Scriptures)

In other words, this thought is to be all-consuming and we are to consciously make it so. With that in mind, Moses goes on to give specific teachings and laws - the Torah or Law. Because I just can't let this one slide by, it's worth noting that even then, God's Law was intended to be on our hearts and did not come only with the advent of the indwelling Holy Spirit.

What would that look like, to hold the Word of God so dearly that we made a very specific effort to give voice to it multiple times a day in just about any scenario? Would it help to keep our children from leaving God's family? Would it help to keep hearts soft so that they continue to grow spiritually rather than becoming ambivalent about an extended relationship with God? Could it help someone find their long lost children after death and tragedy and extended separation?

I've known I loved the Sh'ma and what it represents since first coming to it. But after reading the following story, I revere it in a more powerful way that extends beyond the poetic or its ability to calm my sometimes-ravaged soul.

In 1945, Rabbi Eliezer Silver headed up the search for thousands of displaced Jewish children across Europe. The rabbi had a promising lead with a report that a monastery in southern France had taken in Jewish children. But the priest in charge was of little help, declaring that to his knowledge, all of their children were Christians. He scanned their small faces—many had lived there since they were toddlers. How could he know if any of them were from Jewish families? He asked if he could visit the wards. In front of the children he began singing in Hebrew, “Shema Israel, Adonai Elohenu, Adonai Echad.” (Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.) A handful of faces lit up, and tiny voices from around the room joined in. They recognized these ancient words from their bedtime prayers, and from their earliest memories of their mothers and fathers reciting them each morning and evening, during their own prayers. (excerpted from Lois Tverberg's blog and her upcoming book, "Walking in the Dust of Rabbi Jesus")

Dearest Adonai,
May I never forget the power You hold in my life and what it means to call you Father. More than that, may I never falter in making sure Sam sees me giving you the credit and the glory and the love and making sure he knows that above all else, is You. Amen.

WTB 3 - Admonitions from Moses

2012-01-02T09:59:00.000-05:00

I have a tendency to sink in to mental lethargy and depression. Depression is, at its heart, a selfish illness. The world closes in to only you and how you see it in that moment. I don't mean it's about living in the present; rather (at least for me) it includes taking all the garbage from the past and bringing the shame of that to this moment while also looking into the future and projecting that shame and hopelessness onto those experiences to come, as well. It shrinks everything to only your own perceptions of self and flippantly disregards the kindness and love that others have towards you. It makes everything about 'me' and 'I' and the negatives of the world.

In writing Deuteronomy 4, Moses had a few admonishments for me as I wallowed in self-pity. Deuteronomy 4 is a fantastic chapter all the way around. I could probably spend weeks fleshing out the many important things shared in this particular portion of Moses' writings. But what really knocked me upside the head is:

You must be very careful not to forget the things you have seen God do for you. Keep reminding yourselves, and tell your children and grandchildren, as well. (4:9, CEV)

In my deepest moments of depression, I am feeding my mental imbalance (in an all-you-can-eat buffet) by remembering what I have done for myself and how badly it turned out. I am showing my husband, my friends, my family and most importantly my child how much I dwell on my own actions and sense of self. And as I am sitting in the middle of my own echoing head, wallowing in the muck and mud of Me, here comes Moses with his staff raised, reminding me I must be very careful, because I'm replacing God in these moments.

I've been living a rather supernatural life for almost 3 years. Truly, it's been astonishing and when I'm careful to offer up the thanks and the glory and speak openly about the tremendous things God has done in my life, I can't help but be in awe. For the most part,the demons that haunt my head and conscience are silenced in the presence of that awe. It is when I quit reminding myself or let those vicious inner voices speak over the remembering that I sink to a place that is very hard to reach.

God is much more awesome than me. I don't ever want to live on my own strength again. It's just not a very good place to be. And sometimes it takes someone like Moses, with his fits of anger and powerful intercessions and unquestionable compassion to remind me what's necessary and what it is I'm passing on to my child in any given moment. It's also testament to why we need to be in communion with God through the many channels available to us; He is still speaking to us and when we can't hear one call, He'll get through to us through another one. In whatever state of mind we find ourselves, we must still hold on to our commitment to God- He WILL find a way to direct our paths now matter how deafening our internal voices. It's a Truth for which I'm profoundly grateful.

Adonai, Master of the World, give us knowledge.
After giving us knowledge, accept our repentance.
After accepting our repentance, forgive our shortcomings.
After forgiving us our shortcomings, redeem us.
After redeeming us, heal us.
After healing us, bless our lives.
After blessing our lives, bring us together.
After bringing us together, judge us fairly.
After judging us fairly, defeat the evil in us.
After defeating our evil, strengthen our inclination to do good.
Now that we are holy before You, make the Earth heavenly for us.
Hear our prayers and make us worthy of Your goodness.

-from the Amida

WTB 2 - No Free Lunch for the Chosen

2011-12-28T17:09:00.000-05:00

In writing Deuteronomy 2, I kept underlining phrases that stood out to me. In simply reading, this was the chapter that marked Israel moving from Sinai towards the first of the battles that would bring them the Promised Land. But this time, phrase by phrase, I saw something else. At first, I was noticing that God was warning them to follow his instructions exactly and not get into fresh trouble (no surprise there). Then, I noticed a more regular trend. Things like:
Be very careful (v4)

I have given them (v5)

You will have to buy (v6)
Before the LORD gave the Moabites their land (v10)
I gave them their land (v19)
The LORD helped them (the Ammonites) as he had helped the Edomites (v22)

I couldn't help but think how frustrating it might be to have been a People chosen by God, knowledgeable about that special status, wandering for 38 years with your parents having recently died (v 14) as punishment for being stubborn and untrusting (oh yeah, after 430 years of slavery), and what do you have? Consistent warnings to not get into any tiffs with the locals because God had already given them their land. What's more, anything needed must be paid for. Challenge after challenge and for what? To learn your relatives (v8), those outside the explicit blessing, are already settled and comfortable...

But then, in verse 25, we see the next words, "Today I will start...", and that's when the action begins on behalf of Israel; God causes adversaries to fall with nary a fight.

I can't help but think on my own journey. As with any follower of G-D, I am promised great trials as well as great rewards. If I can be brave enough and steady enough and trusting enough, I can represent the Kingdom sincerely enough to witness great joy and experience the growth of Fruits beyond my wildest imaginings. But to get there, I must stay the course, just as my Hebrew ancestors did. Ultimately, while it took longer, entailed more challenges, and even saw more loss and, yes, death, holding fast to the promised blessing brought extraordinary response from the Father.

I still genuinely believe I am where I am today because there is something I'm intended for. It may be as simple (and profound) as spiritually influencing the 1,500 sq ft that is our home. It may be more. It may even be less. And I am the first to admit that I have many days that I lose heart and wonder what madness led me to think I'm in a chosen place at a chosen time. But I take heart from chapters like Deuteronomy 2. That I am not the first to traverse lands that make little sense to me, filled with stories of others who are nicely settled and seem to have order to their lives. Instead, I shall continue to move forward, trusting that I will find the Jordan some day, either in this life or the next...

In other news.... a stove update

2011-12-28T10:15:00.001-05:00

Anyone who knows me or has read my blog in the last year or so knows how much I love my stove. I also chronicled a bit of our learning curve with the coal burning stove last year.

There were some definite down sides to the layout of our house and the lack of heat circulation creating a tropical climate in the living room and upstairs while the kitchen and downstairs bedrooms alternated between moderate and walk-in refrigerators. It also bugged me that we had to use up propane to turn on my kitchen stove when I had a heat source already going (the design of our coal stove didn't allow things set on top to get hot enough to boil water or cook anything). So we were paying for propane to cook, paying a lot for coal to heat, and it seemed kind of riciculous since one 'appliance' should be able to do both while I looked out at our orchard tree trimmings laying on the ground and some very large but dead trees across our acreage.

So we came up with a solution...

True to form (my India friends will recognize and appreciate this), we had a friend confirm where the weight-bearing columns were, and then got out the sawz-all and took out half the wall dividing the kitchen and living room. Circulation problem partially solved, we looked at slightly re-routing the chimney to the kitchen side instead of the living room side. It's fortunate we did since it turns out our chimney was in awful shape; we can only chalk it up to God looking out for us that our house didn't burn down last year. The part that was enclosed was a terra cotta thimble and was cracked and broken with twigs and birds' nests packed in tight... So in addition to redesigning our house layout, we installed a brand new chimney.

We bought our neighbor's old wood cook stove and got it moved in.

And since this is an old farm house, where it is recognized that the heart of the house is the kitchen (and so is a sizable room), I even had space to put a couch in next to it, so I can cozy up while I'm stoking the fire in the mornings...

So now we're heating with old oak cut down from our property, heating our house while (sometimes) cooking our meals. It makes my heart happy.

WTB 1 - It Seemed Like a Good Idea

2011-12-22T08:25:00.000-05:00

From recent writings from Deuteronomy, a glimpse at Chapter 1, verse 23.

There have been many situations in my life that have left me a bit perplexed in just how I got to that place. While there's very rarely a simple, single factor, it's not unusual for me to be able to pinpoint the critical juncture for everything that followed. In retrospect, I can shake my head at the folly - information I didn't have or had discounted, assumptions about necessary factors, the reliance on emotion and what felt right rather than rational and objective reasoning... And in that moment of analysis, all I can say is, "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Which is why I was so amused and, yes, heartened to come across the kernel of this phrase in Moses' great retelling of Israel's sojourn up to the point of reaching the Jordan. That's what Deuteronomy basically is: the action-packed, emotionally-charged memoir of a people and it's divinely-guided leader over 40 years that would be the basis for the next 3,500.

In regards to the suggestion made to Moses by the tribes to send out a reconnaissance team to the land GOD had set apart for them, Deuteronomy 1:23 says,

"It seemed like a good idea, so I chose twelve men, one from each tribe." (CEV, though several other translations use the same phrase)

Within a couple verses, we are reminded just how badly that went with most of the recon team being certain it would be too dangerous, demoralizing the Nation, and incurring the wrath of GOD. Two particular long-term results came about; the Nation, instead of going directly to their new digs, spent the next 40 years circling a mountain a few days' walk away, learning what it is to be God's chosen and giving time for the untrusting generation to die out. The other is that, as a direct result of the unending wandering and incessant whining, in a moment of frustration, Moses doesn't follow GOD's instructions to the 'T', and loses his own ticket into the Promised Land.

Moses is one of my favorite Bible heroes. He had a humility to which I can only aspire. He repeatedly showed a compassion for those he was stewarding that outdoes the patience of any mother for her tantrum-throwing toddler. And I'm more than a little bit awed by his physical stamina and ability to work with any situation. But he was also profoundly human. He regularly had conversations with GOD and by his own accounts, he was frequently complaining about and asking for relief from his stubborn charges. He was phenomenal, but also irritable, moody, and not above bringing up grudges and finger-pointing. Sometimes I think he also wasn't particularly gracious about accepting his own responsibility for negative outcomes.

Moses was and is revered; and rightly so. What an amazing tool he allowed himself to be during a critical time in the history of GOD revealing Himself to us. It would be easy to look at him and in comparison, determine that I will never have any value in serving GOD's purpose; I will never be Moses' equal.

But then, I read Moses' memoir of one of his critical decisions and he says something so akin to my own explanations for things past. And I'm heartened that while there are oceans of difference between Moses and I, perhaps I am still useful, too. Most importantly for me, when I look at how this all still fit GOD's plan, I begin to think that all those decisions I made while not in relationship with GOD may still turn out to be useful to His overall purpose.

I feel a certain kinship as I picture Moses standing at his lookout point, exhausted from years of leading an often ungrateful-people until their children can claim the land he once aspired to, thinking to himself,

"it seemed like a good idea to me...at the time"

and suddenly I can relate with a new-found hope that, within our shared sentiment, even my story may still be used for good.

Writing the Bible - New Beginnings

2011-12-21T10:29:00.000-05:00

I have been intrigued by the idea of "writing the Bible" for quite some time. I've even started a couple times and got through several chapters of Genesis as well as Matthew. It's a spectacular way to study the Scriptures and New Testament. There's something about reading in small snippets, repeating the phrase to yourself, writing it in your own hand, and checking you got the words correct that allows small details to pop! and new connections to form for yourself. But then one thing leads to another and, "it's ok if I skip today, I'll pick up again tomorrow" has now been a year later. So I've decided to blog my writing journey; partly because of the accountability it provides but mostly because writing my spiritual journey helps me to put many thoughts into a cohesive nutshell for myself.

At the outset, I want to stress this is my journey. I am no great holder of wisdom, no dispenser of doctrine and am so early on in my pilgrimage that I am still packing my bags and examining maps. If you should stumble across these words while wandering this great virtual world we have created, you are most welcome to sit down for a chat, lend an insight, or (gently, please) offer a correction. What you must not do is think that I think I've got this all figured out...

So beginning tomorrow, I will hopefully share a small phrase that jumped out at me from Deuteronomy 1 (one of my favorite 'books' and so my current 'book' to write).

Advent Learnings

2011-12-18T17:34:00.000-05:00

Our Worship Arts Pastor invited comments on what we have learned thus far in this Advent season. He has put great effort in to making it an Experience for us and has succeeded so admirably that I have returned to blogging in order to sort out my response to his question.

What have I learned this Advent?

I learned the meaning and purpose of Advent and that if you are sick of Christmas come 25th December, you haven't "done" Advent right.
I learned that decorations in purple, pink, and a bit of white are very pretty.

I also learned that such simple uses of symbolism really pack a punch in triggering my thoughts through the day to think on the deeper meanings of this Season of anticipation.
I learned there are lots of ways to bring contemplation of the upcoming Event into friends' lives, both those who share the anticipation and those who are rather annoyed at all those Nativity scenes.
I learned I ~~like~~ love Advent.

But what I've learned is deeper than all that.

First, I learned just how hardened my heart was to this holiday.

I've had to take on the remnant of years of following other gods and the resultant irritation I developed of this holiday "shoving someone else's beliefs down my throat" (aka, all those Nativity scenes in people's yards).
My tendency towards the doctrinal instead of (rather than balanced with) the heart shows itself in several ways. We can be pretty sure that 25th December was not Jesus' birth day, and I don't like the seemingly arbitrary date choice. I don't like that it's not actually arbitrary but rather, was done to absorb pagans in their worship of their deities on the 25th. I don't like that it's become THE major festival in Christendom while we happily ignore the festivals God actually told us to keep.
The nearly total secularization of the holiday chafes that yet another aspect of Christian life has been cheapened. I don't like recognizing my own hypocrisy in this (wanting to protect it as holy, yet arguing against its authenticity).

I'm recognizing the power of a shared Experience.
I'm quite content to eschew the crowd when it comes to the ritualized practice of my spiritual life. I like the idea of quiet prayer in a dark closet and struggle with the ability to pray out loud. The aforementioned pastor has been diligent in developing a prayer gathering that is so powerful that I am overcoming some of my inhibitions of audible prayer. Recognizing the power of that process, I committed myself to staying open to the idea of a vibrantly celebrated Christmas season. It marks one of the few times during the year that people's hearts may be a little bit softer to the embracing power of God, while others struggle through this season striving for joy but reflecting on the absent person, the unrelenting difficulties of the year, etc. It is a season that has vast potential for being able to act as witness to God to myriad people; opportunities that are lost if I'm sitting home following my own interpretation and being smarmy about the accuracy of 25th December. Being part of the larger group also provides significantly more opportunities to learn from people much wiser and more compassionate than I; people who are also opening up more because of this particular season.

Finally, I'm internalizing the greater implication of Christmas. It started to sink through my thick head last year, but something about this Advent is really focusing me on why the birth of the Messiah matters so much to us. I find that I not only look forward to meditating Christmas Eve and Morning on the awesome implication of the birth of God in the form of His flesh-and-blood Son, but I'm also looking ahead to Passover and First Fruits and our version of it as Easter. Because Christmas isn't the really the point of the anticipation of Advent, as I see it. Easter is. Christmas is simply the beginning; the first (decidedly amazing) words of a new novel that changes everything. Not a lot of things, not most things. Every thing. Advent is the countdown to the first day of the climax of the greatest story ever told; a story that ends with the invitation to step into the plot line.

I find it all to be terribly exciting, even if I already know how it ends... How can anyone that is given such a gift as a crescendoing Advent Experience do anything but conclude,

"My God is such an awesome God"

Free ranging 2

2011-07-11T16:12:00.000-04:00

For some reason, the chickens started eschewing their tractor, choosing instead to roost on Amol's truck and trailer.

Note the Brahma in the front wheel well...
This went on for several days with us carrying the nearly-sleeping chickens each evening back to their nesting tractor. At last, they left the truck alone, though we have found we need not actually enclose them at night. They seem to be doing just fine with no issues of predators coming after them. It's fun to see their assorted sleeping selections.

Communion

2011-06-14T08:03:00.008-04:00

As the men begin to pass the trays with the small wafers and the thimbles full of grape juice, I close my eyes and cry out to Jesus that I'm here once again, humbled and badly in need of the forgiveness He promised would be mine. Because I've made it through another week without keeping Him, His Father, and the Spirit first and foremost. I've made it through another week having spoken harsh words, passing judgment, wasting precious time and resources. I've hurt people, I've missed opportunities to "be Jesus" on the street, and I've just generally exemplified what it means to be fallen. In short, I have been exactly what He knew I would be when He did what He did.

Many look at the time of communion as a pause to reflect on what didn't go as it should have, what could have been done differently, and to offer up a heartfelt apology for falling so short of disciplined servanthood. It's also regarded as a time when the body of the church comes together in a brief and shining moment of solidarity. The historical context of breaking bread together was that all ill will, all tension in the relationship, and that all significant disagreements will be finished, moving forward in a renewed relationship. For that 5-10 minutes set aside for our devotional communion, I think maybe that happens.

But my mind always turns to the sacrifice aspect of communion. How for thousands of years, it entailed cleansing oneself through immersion in water, finding an unblemished animal to offer in lieu of one's own transgressions, the act of slitting the throat of said creature and feeling the hot, sticky blood flow while knowing that young sheep or goat or dove should, by all rights, be frolicking on a hill instead of dying because of what is essentially selfishness and rebellion. I've held a young, white, unblemished goat kid born here on our own homestead and thought of having to go through this action. Then thought of doing it week after week, as my own ego constantly overrides His plan and direction for me. It was a sobering insight.

And as I hold the sliver of wafer and the little thimble cup, thinking of Jesus' words, "do this in remembrance of me," my mind goes to an image.

It's me, standing at the gate to the Temple. I've got a whole herd of suitable young goats, each chosen to stand for all the times I turned from Adonai's way this week. But I can't enter because I'm not one of them, one of the chosen, a member of the nation of Israel. I'm not even a ger. I have no business here except for my love for Adonai and the knowledge that I've fallen far short of what I could've been. I'm overtaken with sadness that not only do I carry this crushing awareness of all the good I didn't do, I can't even approach G*D to speak with Him about it.

But then I see him. A man a ways down the wall. He's at a small gate and he beckons me. Looking at the herd following close on my heels, he inquires about them.

"This one is for all the times I showed greed and covetousness instead of sharing. This one for the many judgmental remarks I passed in my head. This one for yelling at my husband, and this one for yelling at my child. That one for not being entirely truthful. These ten for my complete inability to show humility." And on and on as I name the embarrassingly large herd that I have brought as an accounting and to sacrifice on my behalf. "But I can't get in," I say, verging on tears.

He takes my hand and begins to lead me inside. At my hesitation, he says, "It will all be different now. I've made a place for you. You can come to my Father, I'll see to it." I begin to follow, making sure the herd is still trailing, but he shakes his head, a look of kindness and melancholy all in one.

"You won't be needing those. I've got that part covered, too."

It's usually about this time I begin crying in earnest. Those around me hear me sniffling, and I've learned to carry tissues in my Bible cover's pocket. And as I come to the present moment, surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ, I hear a whisper from my fading "vision"…

"…I've got that part covered, too. Now please don't waste it."

Free ranging

2011-06-12T16:59:00.000-04:00

Not quite what I meant when I said I wanted our chickens to be genuinely free ranging...

On a related note, we reached a milestone this week in butchering the 3 remaining meat chickens and getting them into the freezer. We started with 6. One had died as a runt, one didn't recover after getting mauled by 2 gangs of chickens (the older laying hens on one side and the other raised-from-chicks on the other), and the last died basically of a heart attack because he'd gotten too big to move.

I'm thoroughly enjoying being a chicken-keeper. They really are a low maintenance creature and the crowing at any time of the day makes me smile every time.

Bailing Hay, er...Mowing the yard...

2011-05-24T13:53:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, a friend was over for lunch and commented that we'd be needing a hay bailer on our yard if we didn't get it mowed soon. It's worth noting that he was squelching through mud and standing water as he made this comment. Since then, we've had enough sunshine to make Spring really burst forth with some amazing growth, while not having enough dry days to keep some of that growth tamed into a semblance of a yard. The goats love what is seemingly a large pasture just for them, and the kittens think stalking each other through the high grass is rather akin to their larger feline relatives on the African plains. As for me, the moment there was just squelching and no standing water, I hopped on the riding lawn mower and got to work.

While the mower has a 42" blade deck, I could only do 12" swathes because it was so long and wet that it kept clogging my blades.

I had gotten off the mower just to run in for a bathroom break and came back out to find it raining. Of course. But don't worry - I persevered and finished that last patch in the rain.
Next up - the section we've started fencing off to have an enclosed area for Sam to play.

If it goes much longer, he may very well get lost in there...
...you think I'm kidding.

Um...That wasn't supposed to happen

2011-04-28T15:16:00.002-04:00

It turns out if you leave tender seedlings in the same room as little chicks, the warmth and humidity really helps them take off.

But if you wait too long to transplant them (say, because it's the wettest Spring anybody's seen around here for a long, long time and your first efforts at garden digging have resulted in little ponds around the yard...), those same chicks will throw off enough dust and ammonia to kill off or badly damage those same seedlings.

Also part of the learning curve - there is such a thing as Floppy Kid Syndrome. They don't really know what causes it and because recovery can be spontaneous, aren't really sure how to consistently treat it. If you know what to look for between the 3rd and 10th day of your new (goat) kid's life, you can give them a tablespoon of baking soda to drastically increase the chances of survival, should they come down with it. Unfortunately, we didn't know this and were working with the suggestion that Flower (Violet's kid) was simply dehydrated and undernourished.

Flower succumbed about a week ago. To add insult to injury, Violet picked up a lice infection from that pygmy goat we'd gotten at auction some time back and is now about half bald and has lost a lot of weight. We're coddling her, trying to get her back up to full health (lice can consume as much as 10% of a goat's blood volume per day!). But she's had a rough couple of weeks.

Meanwhile, the "barns" we've built were based on this plan we got from MaryJane's Farm magazine

and while we had guy lines and stakes on the 3rd structure we used as an entry and storage space...

...it turns out the weight of the pallets that form the half walls really do make the difference of what you wake up to after an early morning storm that includes 55 mph winds...

As Sam would say,

"Uh oh. Big uh oh."

We found the missing structure upside down on the other side of the apple orchard.

Fortunately, all the animals were fine and the chickens that were just inside that right side 'barn' (which happened to have the door open into the 3rd one that flew away) seemed fairly unfazed but the sudden absence of protection over their doorway.

While part of me feels like it's been the Week of Job around here, in reality we've been very fortunate to have relatively minor setbacks to really build our learning curves. Just think - the plants could have all died in the middle of the growing season whereas for now, we can get more seed and/or pick up some starter plants from the local nurseries. While it's sad we lost Flower, it could have been a contagious illness that might have taken out all 6 of our young kids. While I'm bummed the storage shed flew away, it is still salvageable and no animals or tools got hurt/damaged.

Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise, and

When the darkness closes in, still I will say...

Blessed be the Name of the LORD

Thanks, Adonai, for lessons that show us where the weaknesses in our homestead are without incurring any major damage. We keep learning and You keep showing what can be done as long as I keep trusting.

He Turned 2!

2011-04-18T13:23:00.000-04:00

Somehow, it's already been 2 years since I sat in an inflatable pool in our little backyard garden in Bombay, delivering a baby. I don't know how a full 730 days could've passed this quickly; I'm convinced there's some sort of time warp that goes along with motherhood that should be explored by quantum physics and string theories. But I have proof that it has indeed been long enough for us to celebrate Sam's 2nd birthday yesterday:

A close up of the cake that included a brontosaurus and stegosaurus along with little dinosaur confetti. Amol got in to the baking-at-home thing and enjoyed adding the swirled color effect to the batter as well as the icing job...

What were those odd red things around the cake in the above pictures? Well, let me tell you...
We found the dinosaur molds months ago and I've been so excited to make dinosaur shaped cupcakes for Sam's birthday. Unfortunately, as the bubbles in the batter got baked into permanency, much of the definition was lost. Only the brontosaurus turned out (mostly) properly. The stegosaurus wasn't awful but not quite in line with my long held vision for the day. The fearsome T-Rex? Looked like a small breasted chicken... What's a mother to do in such a situation?
Make Jello jigglers, of course...

They turned out to be rather fun, as jigglers always are.

Sam made short order of beheading the T-Rex.
In honor of his birthday (and because by then, I was on a jiggler roll), I used a cool flower-topped mold to make some for the Praise-a-thon gang at church yesterday evening. Turned out pretty and disappeared in short order.

The day was rather brilliant and we had a good time, along with a pretty significant sugar high (Amol made Indian gulab jamun sweets in the evening along with a special birthday dinner). Sam is at a very cool age where he's interacting in a big way but still small enough to be adorable and regularly cuddled (whether he wants to be or not). I am aware that even though we're firmly into tantrum season, this is a time that will be all-too-fleeting and I try to hold on to every memory-in-the-making.

PS - if you're one of the folks who checked in about anything he needs, we're collecting a Playset Fund so that we can get him this

and be able to share with him over the many years of use that it was a collective gift from so many family and friends.

Spring, Act 1

2011-04-11T22:26:00.001-04:00

Sunday was a lovely window in to what is to come. With temperatures in the mid-70's, Sam got to wear shorts outside, I had on sandals, and Amol took the lawn tractor for a ride around the yard, just because he could. The goats all came out for a bit of sun basking, the dogs got baths (so did one of the goats), and I got the "barn" cleaned and organized now that all 3 structures are up. We started to work on the strawberry bed, but the ground was still too wet to make much headway on that.

A glimpse of the afternoon...

Yep - I think farm life is going to suit Sam just fine...

Plus Two

2011-04-09T08:36:00.002-04:00

Turns out Lavendar wasn't in labor two days ago, after Violet had her kid. She was just really freaked from an accident from which I'd just rescued her.
Nope, she had the kids this morning. Yes, plural.
Two new doelings (twins aren't unusual).

Meanwhile, Violet's doeling is doing well and resembles a cotton ball now that she's dry and well fed...

I milked Violet for the first time yesterday afternoon (my first time milking a goat) and it went well. She stands nicely for it, so long as you feed her ample amounts of grains while keeping her head locked (comfortably) in the milking / grooming stand Kent made for us (have I mentioned how grateful I am to Kent for making this for us?!?). At this point, she's putting out a high ratio of colostrum, so the results of the milking went straight to the adopted kids for their bottles, but I will admit to a ridiculously elevated sense of achievement. Turns out being a breastfeeding mother who has expressed milk herself lends a certain degree of innate skill.

As for names, the three kids we'd brought home from the auction are Ruth, Rahab, and Abraham (as patriarch of the herd). I'm thinking maybe Shiprah and Pruah (the rebellious midwives who defied Pharoah during the time of Moses' birth) for the twins and how about Miriam (Mary) for the pure white one?

Farm(let) life is definitely a lot of work, but I must say the sense of contentment and wonder is nearly overwhelming. I'm loving this!

Announcing a New Addition

2011-04-07T15:26:00.000-04:00

We happily present our newest member at the God's Abode Farmlet:

Violet had a doeling this morning. When I got home from MOPS at around 12:30p, Amol told me to head immediately to the barn to see if Violet needed help since the kid was "coming out". I got down there and she was already licking her clean. All was uneventful and the two are healthy. Amol sat with her for most of the labor and said she was a real champ.

Gotta run - Lavendar seems to have gone in to labor, too! Will keep you posted...

Someone Else's Words

2011-04-05T18:52:00.002-04:00

There are a number of e-lists I'm on. More often than not, I 'save' a mail for later until finally, my inbox well over a hundred or so unread "mass" mails, I begin deleting them. But today, Sam is sleeping in, cuddled into the nooks of Amol's shoulder and elbow. I have some much-appreciated me-time to spend on some of these devotionals that I usually miss. I went ahead and opened a couple, and oh, what a reward. I have to restrain myself from forwarding too many to friends that I think would enjoy this or that. But this one I just had to post here. It's simply too timely considering some discussions I'm having with members of my church family. It's also a fabulous and beautiful reminder to consider as I run between bottle feeding goats, watering seedlings, bonding with chicks, and keeping my family fed and feeling well-loved. This is just an excerpt - for the full, not-too-long article, go here.

Instead of customers or corporate shares, I manage holiness opportunities (hopefully).
When I get too entrenched in overdrive mode, I think of two special words. Basi L’Gani. “I came into My garden,” G‑d relates, when He describes His creation. Garden? Sounds lyrical. My pulse is already slowing as I imagine the fragrant lilacs.
These are the opening words of an important chassidic discourse, the last one delivered by the Previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn. The Rebbe expounded on another chapter each year. What is their message? These great and holy giants tell us: mitzvot and holiness are of infinite importance, but don’t let them become a list to plow through. Go out in the yard. Enter the garden. Smell the roses. Yes, G‑d wants us to do mitzvot, lots of them, but He’s not a big accountant tallying them up in the sky for some shareholders’ meeting. He made this world because He really wants—a garden. A simple place of simply impractical beauty and pleasure. Why? Can you ask why about a rose? Dissect and analyze it and the mystery is gone. It is just one of those things of loveliness, even though the world could seemingly trudge on without it. He begs us to play with Him in His garden, help weed it, and make it lovelier yet.

From: Making My World a Garden

Another angle

2011-04-05T08:32:00.000-04:00

If the earlier post of 'Growing a Farm' tells you what we've been doing, then Steph's post of 'Farming 101' tells you how we've been doing it. I promise, there is some strategic planning going on, and everything is done with thought behind it. But the truth also is, we're all novices. We've got a great collection of books (Thanks, Storey Publishing), some amazing neighbors to give hands on support and lessons, a fabulous array of knowledge and advice-by-telephone from The Mothers, and a pretty amazing church family that has jumped in on several occasions in minor to major ways. We've also built a small but impressive collection of power tools.

But really, after you read Steph's post and get over the laughter (it actually is rather accurate and is not dramatized for the sake of blog-reading friends), there truly are only a few conclusions one can draw:

We've got a whole lot of motivation and sense of adventure to be doing this, if I do say so myself
We're learning a spectacular amount through hands-on trial and error- trying to focus on the learning aspect and staying positive enough to see the comedy of the errors
We're learning a lot that isn't "just the way it's done", mostly because when we find something that works, it's because we stumbled across it out of ignorance while trying to mend an earlier mistake
We're getting a lot done for a first-year farm, because we didn't know how much work several things would take and so loaded up early. I mean really, as a strategic move, opting for baby animals of assorted species and home-grown seedlings is great. As a point of reality, it's only the the sense of wonder of watching them grow and the personal investment of helping them along that prevents the sense of being a bit overwhelmed from completely overwhelming me.

But finally, the most blatant and most important conclusion one would draw from all this is:
We are fully in God's hands and He is showering down His blessings

There really is no other way to explain how we've got an (economical but sturdy) barn (and sunroom) full of very healthy animals, several of which were simply given to us, flats full of very vibrant seedlings (an aside- I kill everything that is green. yes, everything. My gardening friend calls me the mass murderer of plants.), and several ideas on how to work with these resources to support ourselves as well as lend some support back in to the community.

HE didn't exactly weed out all the soldiers who were scared, married within the last year, or who drink from a lake with cupped hands in order to take on an army of thousands, but He's done enough that is beyond our own abilities to prove to us (and those around us), every day, how very not-alone we are.

To God alone be the glory...

Growing a Farm (aka, what we've been up to)

2011-03-31T01:02:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. There's been lots to blog about and I find a running monologue in my head, dictating blog post texts to go with the snapshots my brain has been taking of the very cool stuff we've been up to. Sadly, I've had to choose between doing and blogging. Staying up a bit late, I have a moment to breathe so I can update you all!

Surely you remember these ladies:

We managed to get the 2nd "wing" of the animal structures up. The segue between the two is still needed and we were trying to figure out how to best build the chicken coops as well as the 'kid pen' for when the above ladies have their babies. Fortunately for us, Kent and Kristine came for a visit and Kent designed and built the skeleton of a coop 'tractor' (mobile coop so the chickens always have fresh pickings while we can control how widely they wander, thereby protecting the tomato plants) as well as a goat milking stand! (Thanks, Kent!)

Soon after they left, we went to the Meadville Livestock Auction and came home with an adult pygmy goat that may or may not be pregnant

and 3 kids (2 does, 1 buck), for which we got the 'kid pen' built

that need bottle fed a couple times a day

We've got 32 chicks, including light and buff Brahmas, buff Orpingtons, black Austrolorps, Rhode Island Reds, and Cornish Rocks.

They already outgrew their first boxes and are now living it up in a huge refrigerator box turned on its side.

I finally got the first set of seeds for the early/cool temperature vegies and those that have long germination/maturation periods into flats and under lamps

This first batch includes broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, parsley, tomatoes (8 kinds), lettuce (3 kinds), cumin, carrots (2 kinds), beets, spinach, eggplant, and habanero peppers. Next week I'll put in the next round. All said and done, we'll have several hundred seedlings of a few dozen vegetables and fruits to transplant come mid-May when the frosts are safely over. 90-95% of these plants come from heirloom seeds / stock.

All this while Sam has been thriving. In addition to helping to feed the baby goats (the Best. Thing. Ever! in his book), his 'aunt' Stephanie keeps him entertained with singing and hand puppets (at the same time, but not necessarily in conjunction with one another)

and he's developed a real penchant for suspenders

and mischievous grins

In short, we've been very busy and incredibly blessed. God has been looking after us closely and there's more to share about our evolving (self) employment plans and how the tools needed for that have been coming together. But that's for another post...

Good News (article)

2011-03-31T00:16:00.000-04:00

It's encouraging to see a group loving their (distant) neighbors so fully as to inspire even atheists to comment that they can see Jesus hands and feet at work.

Not born on the bayou, but staying for good

A community of Mennonites has brought their way of life to the bayous of Louisiana.

See the full article here

Prayer

2011-03-14T09:57:00.000-04:00

I am undergoing a particular spiritual discipline that is bringing a lot of things into amazing focus. Happily, one of these things is prayer. It would seem the Spirit understood my plea from my birthday reflections and got right on it!

As I set out on my current course, a friend recommended I consider the Mincha for lunchtime meditation. This is the mid-day prayer shared by Jews around the world. Curious, I looked it up and truly, it is beautiful. The Mincha is one of 3 sets of prayers spoken daily, so I decided to explore the morning and evening prayers, as well. From there, because I'm me, I had to dig in to reasoning behind having set prayers, especially in light of the fact that we are to be in personal relationship with Adonai, with Yeshua, and the Spirit. Working from a script seems a bit counter-intuitive to that. Set prayers within Judaism actually date back to the time of Ezra when the exiles were pouring back in to the ruined city of Jerusalem and the elders realized that many were struggling with spontaneous prayer. After all, He is a Mighty Big God and we are pretty much amoeba before Him (sinning amoeba, at that). Amidst the awe and the regret for any transgressions with which people approached Him, they were missing out in being able to have a real dialogue and relationship with Him because they couldn't find words. That sounded familiar...

Aside from that, prayer really is a discipline - something we owe our Creator. Not in the sense of a debt being collected, but in a willing recollection and appreciation for all He has given us. As one author put it, prayer should not be only when we feel like it because suddenly we need something. We've been given too much to limit our communication only to that.

Over and over, we are told in the Scriptures to to bless the Lord. How often do we do it? For some, it comes easily. For many of us, we're very good at ooh'ing and awe'ing over things without being mindful of their Source. The more mundane things are even less likely to be offered up in appreciation. But there's a shift somehow when we bring our day, our focus, our existence, back in line with worshiping and blessing God. A fabulous example is the worship portion of yesterday's service at our church. I knew in advance that this week's selection of songs and readings were centered on a specific theme of offering up worship and blessing Him, and our home was filled with enthusiastic anticipation of what would be revealed. We weren't disappointed - the Conneautville Church of Christ vibrated yesterday with an energy I struggle to put in to words. It was a place of joy and pouring out, of connections being made and remade, of souls touching on things they've wanted to say yet having held back for lack of means to do it. Any angels within shouting distance must have come to take part because it was impossible to not be moved. It was what prayer should always include.

When I first started playing jazz trumpet, my teachers gave me two things to learn from - sheet music and the admonition to listen to jazz music. As I started to get a feel for it and could bring the rhythms and mood to the music I played, I was given half lines of music, which I was then to complete - jumping off places for learning improvisational playing. Finally, a true jazz player can pick up the heart of a song and put their own signature on it and even create their own music. But most musicians don't just pick up their instruments and declare they're going to do jazz improv. They may fumble around the scales, but the song they hear in their head is nowhere present in the sounds being made. Oddly enough, spontaneous improv comes from a whole lot of disciplined training.

This is how prayer is for me. And this is what the Mincha is providing for me - my prayer "training". Because on my own, I'm fumbling through words and thoughts, and I'm not able to express my heart song to Adonai. But I have yet to say these prayers, and not be moved to tears as my soul connects. It's also humbling to realize how similar all of us are in what our hearts cry out. These prayers are universal to those following YHWH God, because we are His creation and we are made to worship Him. Sometimes it really is that simple...and that amazing.

A version of the Mincha (from 3xDaily)
A PSALM BEFORE VERSES OF PRAISE
A song for the dedication of Your People. I praise you, El Shaddai (G-d Almighty) , for lifting me up above my enemies. Adonai Rapha (the Lord that Heals), I called to You and You healed me. You kept my soul from destruction and preserved me from Darkness. Sing to Melech HaMelachim (the King of Kings) and praise the Name: Your anger is brief, but Your love lasts forever. The night may bring weeping, but the dawn will bring peace. When everything was good in my life, I felt strong because You made me strong. But when I couldn’t feel You, I was terriﬁed. I pleaded with the Lord, “What good would my death be? How can I honor and praise You if I am dead?” Be compassionate to me and help me. You turned my sadness into dancing. You have taken away my darkness and dressed me in light, so that my soul will praise You eternally. Adonai (Lord), I will praise You forever. (Based on Psalm 30)

KADDISH
May Your Name be great and holy,
In the world which You have made in Your way
May the presence of HaKadosh, Baruch Hu (The Holy One, Blessed is He)
Be over you in your life and the lifetime of Your People.
May Adonai (the Lord) be blessed forever.
The greatness of HaKadosh, Baruch Hu (The Holy One, Blessed is He)
is beyond all words. Blessed is Adonai (the Lord).
For those who choose to be chosen,
For students and teachers of Torah,
Here or anywhere,
May we all have blessings.
May we all have peace and life.

AMIDA
I am grateful to You, Protector of All,
Our G-d and G-d of our Ancestors,
Elohei (G-d of) Avraham, Elohei (G-d of) Sarai,
Elohei (G-d of) Yitzak, Elohei (G-d of) Rivkah,
Elohei (G-d of) Yaakov, Elohei (G-d of) Leah, Elohei (G-d of) Rachel;
Adon Olam (Master of the World), who created Goodness,
Who inspires us to repair the world in compassion,
King, Queen, Savior and Shield
(Bend the knees or prostrate) Blessed are You
(Bow) Shield of the Patriarchs,
Shield of the Matriarchs and of us all (Stand up).
Adon Olam (Master of the World), give us knowledge.
After giving us knowledge, accept our repentance.
After accepting our repentance (strike the chest with your right ﬁst),
forgive our shortcomings (strike the chest with your right ﬁst).
After forgiving us our shortcomings, redeem us.
After redeeming us, heal us.
After healing us, bless our lives.
After blessing our lives, bring us together.
After bringing us together, judge us fairly.
After judging us fairly, defeat the evil in us.
After defeating our evil, strengthen our inclination to do good.
Now that we are holy before You,
Make the Earth heavenly for us.
Hear our prayers and make us worthy of Your goodness.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, the holy G-d
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, who makes peace
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, who hears our prayer

Real Live Farmers!

2011-03-12T19:55:00.001-05:00

We have our first "barn" up!

which is actually a waterproof, steel framed carport that has been modified with the use of lumber, lag-bolts, rebar, pallets, and wire to be pretty solid and cozy animal housing.

So we went and got ourselves our first livestock - 2 dairy goats.

Meet Violet and Lavendar.

Notice the pregnant belly?

They're both due to have kids in the next month or so.
We've had the barn boots for a while, and have pitched manure during the thaws in order to prepare a garden area, but I finally feel like we're real live farmers! ...though I expect some of the local farmers may take exception to how loosely I'm defining my terms...

PS - A huge thank you to Ruth who provided these goats for us. It was so generous of her!

B90 Red Letter Torah in Matthew

2011-03-12T19:43:00.001-05:00

While I know it may seem I'm harping on this unnecessarily, I can't help but heed the sense of urgency I feel in my heart that this is important and we must take heed, and soon. And so I'm going to listen to the feeling and share some of what I highlighted as I read through the book of Matthew as part of B90. These are all "red letter" verses - things said by Yeshua-Jesus, himself. Seems odd these would've been part of His explicit message if they were all supposed to change within 3 hours to 3 years (with His crucifixion and ressurection)...

I'm including the CJB version I prefer along with the ESV. It's interesting to note some of the differences, especially when considering the CJB is written without any bias against recognizing the Scriptures as Jewish in source, something our Church works hard to distance itself from today, consciously or subconsciously. I also dig in to Strong's regularly, and encourage you to do so, as well, where any of these translational differences seem particularly different.

Finally, I post this because it's on my heart to do so. Whatever my aspirations or convictions, I am far from observing the instructions given us by Adonai with any degree of adequacy. I also find it much much easier to abstain from pork than to love my neighbor, though I know a whole lot of people who show a compassionate and generous spirit while eating a bacon sandwich. In short, I am not judging, unless it is against my own shortcoming. Rather, I share what I see as paths to bring us closer to our Maker who loves us so, so much.

Matthew 5:18-19
Yes indeed! I tell you that until heaven and earth pass away, not so much as a yud or a stroke will pass from the Torah -- not until everything that must happen has happened. So whoever disobeys the least of these mitzvot and teaches others to do so will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But whoever obeys them and so teaches will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.

[ESV - For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished.]

Matthew 7:21-23
"Not everyone who says to me, `Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, only those who do what my Father in heaven wants. On that Day, many will say to me, `Lord, Lord! Didn't we prophesy in your name? Didn't we expel demons in your name? Didn't we perform many miracles in your name?' Then I will tell them to their faces, `I never knew you! Get away from me, you workers of lawlessness*!'

[ESV - And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness*.' ]

note: what we do we know from the Scriptures being referenced is the will of the Father? That Torah - all of it - is being adhered to. As for 'lawlessness', check out the * notation at the bottom of the post which brings it back around to the books of Moses.

Matthew 13:37-41
He answered, "The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man; the field is the world. As for the good seed, these are the people who belong to the Kingdom; and the weeds are the people who belong to the Evil One. The enemy who sows them is the Adversary, the harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels. Just as the weeds are collected and burned up in the fire, so will it be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send forth his angels, and they will collect out of his Kingdom all the things that cause people to sin and all the people who are far from Torah;
[ESV - The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will gather out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all law-breakers]

Matthew 15:2-9
"Why is it that your talmidim break the Tradition of the Elders? They don't do n'tilat-yadayim (ritual handwashing) before they eat!" He answered, "Indeed, why do you break the command of God by your tradition? ... Thus by your tradition you make null and void the word of God! You hypocrites! Yesha`yahu was right when he prophesied about you, `These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far away from me. Their worship of me is useless, because they teach man-made rules as if they were doctrines.'"
[ESV - "Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat." He answered them, "And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? ... So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said: "'This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.'"]

note: ritual handwashing is part of Oral Law (ie, not recorded in the Scriptures). Meanwhile, have you ever looked at how many aspects of modern Christianity are man's traditions, including the Sabbath being shifted and relaxed, the evolved tradition of eating anything, and the abandonment of many other aspects of the Torah? Basically, if we do it and the Bible doesn't, it's man-made tradition (most of these are not negative in and of themselves, by the way). If we don't do it and the Bible says we should, it's either man-made tradition changing it or we're just being lax. As for me, I must admit an awful lot of laxity...

Matthew 24:10-12
At that time many will be trapped into betraying and hating each other, many false prophets will appear and fool many people; and many people's love will grow cold because of increased distance from Torah.
[ESV - And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold.]

note: that * from 7:23 is the same original word used here for lawlessness

Matthew 24:20
Pray that you will not have to escape in winter or on Shabbat.

[ESV - Pray that your flight may not be in winter or on a Sabbath.]

note: how important is observing the Shabbat? Even if the Tribulation is come, we shouldn't run on Shabbat. And oddly enough, He doesn't refer to finding our rest in Him replacing Shabbat here... nor the man-made tradition of shifting it from the 7th day...

Matthew 28:19
Therefore, go and make people from all nations into talmidim, immersing them into the reality of the Father, the Son and the Ruach HaKodesh

[ESV - Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them inthe name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,]

note: the difference in translation here is of particular interest to me. "the reality of the Father" rather than simply "the name" ** seems a bit more encompassing and suggests that familiarity with His history as revealed to us is rather important (and, um, what's included in that history? Repetition to maintain His Torah...)

Looking forward to the Gospel of Mark and what jumps out there...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Because I'm a fan of looking up the bases of translational differences, according to Strong's, here's the root of a couple words in question

* from 7:23:

"lawlessness" (G458) From G459; illegality, that is, violation of law or (generally) wickedness: - iniquity, X transgress (-ion of) the law, unrighteousness.

G459: From G1 (as a negative particle) and G3551; lawless, that is, (negatively) not subject to (the Jewish) law; (by implication a Gentile), or (positively) wicked: - without law, lawless, transgressor, unlawful, wicked.

G3551: From a primary word νέμω nemō (to parcel out, especially food or grazing to animals); law (through the idea of prescriptive usage), generally (regulation), specifically (of Moses [including the volume]; also of the Gospel), or figuratively (a principle): - law.

** from 28:19:

"name" (G3686) From a presumed derivative of the base of (G1097) (compare G3685); a “name” (literally or figuratively), (authority, character)

G1097: A prolonged form of a primary verb; to “know” (absolutely), in a great variety of applications and with many implications: - allow, be aware (of), feel, (have) known (-ledge), perceive, be resolved, can speak, be sure, understand.

PS - Did you catch the 7:23 Strongs reference already making its own distinction on what it counts as implication of a Gentile?

L'cha Dodi - Shabbat Shalom!

2011-03-11T20:22:00.000-05:00

I have been incredibly blessed these last few days - so much to tell. But for now, I will share a lovely song welcoming the Shabbat. There are a bizillion versions of this prayer / song, but I've been smitten for quite some time with this one.

As it happens (and quite coincidentally), my friend Matt posted the translation over at 42 Funerals.

As we observe this set-apart day, created by our set-apart God, to mark us as set-apart for Him, I wish you peace, time with those who hold a meaningful place in your heart, and time with most magnificent Maker.

What We're Doing Today

2011-03-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday, Stephanie!!

Seen this?

2011-03-06T20:27:00.002-05:00

Birthday Reflections and Resolutions

2011-03-01T21:50:00.000-05:00

Used to be that on my birthday, I would spend some time reflecting on my year past and meditating over a tarot spread for the year to come. Needless to say, that little tradition has changed considerably. But I do still treasure the reflection time and looking ahead to what I want to really focus on for the coming year. I basically treat my birthday as my own personal New Year, complete with goal setting.

As if an examination of one's life patterns wasn't enough to fill a bag with suggestions for change, being partway through the Bin90 provides ample other opportunities for conviction on several fronts. Rather than icing over the almost overwhelming process that has been this year's Birthday Reflections, I find that the Spirit is allowing me to savor a much-needed piece of humble pie. And so I share some of my resolutions with you, because writing helps me to absorb and internalize things I'm trying to wrap my head (and heart) around. And because many of these things will not be easy; I foresee a huge battle against laziness, defensiveness, distraction and discouragement. I come to you, dear Reader, to help me stay accountable and positively engaged.

1. Prayer.
My prayer life is a curious thing. I enjoy prayer. I often feel in deep communion while in prayer. It's not at all unusual for me to be moved to tears while praying. I rarely 'hear' anything in response, but I almost always feel the Spirit with me, and I've often experienced the fruits of prayer soon after offering up raw and honest petitions. So why do I do it so sporadically, always silently, and so self consciously?
I am committing to several aspects towards a healthier prayer life-
Setting aside time for contemplation and prayer. Not just time because my mind isn't otherwise engaged or as I'm drifting off to sleep (though I'll keep those windows of opportunity for speaking with God). But a scheduled "appointment", even if only for a few minutes of literally stepping in to the closet.
I will offer up audible thanks at every meal. This is less about thanking God for my lettuce or spaghetti (though that needs done, too) and more about stopping and recognizing the many blessings bestowed in a conscious way throughout the day. Within Jewish traditions, there is a blessing to be said for just about every movement in the day - it's purpose is to remind us how amazing our God is, what good care He is taking of us, and to keep in the forefront that every good thing really is from Him and not of our own making. Starting with using meal times as a trigger for that seems a good beginning. Through this, I am also hoping to overcome some of my self consciousness about praying. Particularly in front of my husband. And in public places (like restaurants). I don't know why, but words that flow so freely in silence get stuck in my throat if there's anyone within ear shot. I'm even awkward standing in my own backyard offering up a prayer of thanks for a beautiful sunrise...

2. Shabbat
The Bible mentions Shabbat and the keeping of Shabbat at least 120 times. It would seem that God sees this one as rather important. He even says that we'd better hope the Tribulation doesn't begin on a Sabbath since that would inhibit our ability to run away from any Really Bad Things. We also have Peter specifically telling us, in no uncertain terms, that Shabbat is still to be observed post Yeshua-Jesus's death and resurrection. Remember when I would post my Shabbat meals? Sadly, though I'd planned on establishing firm Shabbat-observance habits when we moved here, I've actually missed many more Friday evenings than I've observed. As for Saturday resting, eschewing everyday things and my own interests, and spending the time contemplating Him, I've been out and about regularly. This weighs heavily on me. Interestingly, I'm not the only one lately noticing the frequent admonishments in the Scriptures or looking to restructure their weeks to allow for better observance. Both my aunt Kristine and my friend and pastor Matt have written about this in recent posts.
I'm committing myself to being fully committed to Shabbat as it is Biblically described.

3. Judgment
I am terribly judgmental. It's one of my worst personality traits and I'm not proud of it. In more objective moments, I can step back and see where I'm being anything but compassionate and loving. But in the moment, I'm much more likely to be harsh and unforgiving. Kristine passed on a sad but accurate quote recently, which goes roughly like this:
"We judge ourselves by our best moments. We judge others according to their worst."
This is seriously something I need to work on in a big way. I care deeply about my friends and family. I don't ever want any of them to feel they can't approach me or share with me for fear of what judgment I may pass on them. More to the point and a better descriptor of my weakness, though, is how my temper is tied to my judgment of a person or action in particular situations.

There are several other points that I want to look at, but for now, I will end this post here. Trying to blog with a toddler means this post has actually taken nearly 24 hours to compose over 4 sittings...

35 years ago...

2011-02-26T00:49:00.000-05:00

35 years ago, inducing labor was happening, but not with the frequency we see today. In today's current scenario, a woman at term (38 weeks) could be induced if the doctor sees any potential problems. Approaching 40 weeks, the mother may request induction so as to plan her week more conveniently (I'm only half kidding). Statistically speaking though, we do know that a doctor will be significantly more likely to induce if it looks like natural labor may interfere with an evening departure or the weekend. And at 42 weeks, few women are given a choice. Never mind that the vast majority of women cannot pinpoint the exact date of conception and so an exact due date can't be determined, making a 'very overdue' date problematic.

35 years ago, pain killing drugs were in use, but not with the frequency we see today. We now know that those drugs that make it supposedly easier for the mother can actually slow down the labor, requiring the administration or the increase of pitocin, making the labor abnormally stronger, requiring more pain killing epidural, requiring more pharmaceutical intervention until finally, the chances have increased substantially that the baby will show distress or the labor stall, and major interventions will be needed.

35 years ago, C-sections were happening, but not at a rate of 30-50% of all births. Statistically, it should be 5-10% (W.H.O.). Places like The Farm keep it in the 2-5% range.

35 years ago, a woman walked in to the hospital with beginning labor pains. According to her due date, she was nearly 3 weeks overdue. She was tired, she was in pain, and I'm sure she was more than just a little bit ornery. She was not rushed into the OB ward and given an IV of drugs when her labor stalled. She certainly was not rushed into the emergency room to do a C-Section. Nope - she was told to go home because it wasn't time yet. She walked the halls of that hospital for the next several hours, determined to naturally trigger those rhythmic rushes. She informed the nurses that she would not be leaving until the baby had come, but was content to do it in partnership with her body and following her instinct that 'today' really was the day. The walking worked and within a few hours, she was back in labor and convinced the staff it was worth getting a bed ready. She spent several hours breathing (and cursing, I'm told) through pain, but chose not to have an epidural to 'take the edge off'.

35 years ago, my mom held me in her arms for the first time. It has been an amazing journey for me to now know what that felt like. And the more I learn about birthing - the physiological aspects that last a lifetime for mother and baby, and the psychological affects that some attribute to how a birth happens - the more I appreciate choices she made throughout her pregnancy and giving birth.

So yes, today is my birthday (I'm 27...mhmmm...). And I'm so grateful to my parents, my mom in particular, for deciding 36 years ago (or was that 28...) that they wanted to create a family. They have been amazingly supportive through a dizzying (and sometimes baffling) array of life choices. I'm excited to start a new year feeling like I'm finally entering a stage of life that contains peace and contentment. I'm excited for a year that will have so much learning in it, hopefully about things like making plants grow healthier and coaxing an extra half gallon of milk from goats and not so much about overcoming grief brought about by my own choices. I'm excited for a new year of growing closer to my heavenly Father, of really internalizing what Yeshua-Jesus did for me (and you), and in developing a richer prayer life.

But most of all, I'm just excited to be alive. Because that's what birthdays are all about - the opportunity to look around and give thanks that we get to experience life.

Baby Yeshua All Year Round

2011-02-24T23:08:00.001-05:00

Remember how much I loved the Willow Tree version of the Nativity? Since Mom didn't have a Nativity set and I thought she'd enjoy Willow Tree also, I decided I could enjoy it at her house just as well as at mine and then I could also spread the joy of having a set that is meaningful.

Well, she had the same idea and we both ended up getting each other the Willow Tree Nativity. Turns out she'd picked it out for me before I'd even posted it. Yes, we really are that close that she would know exactly which one I would want before I mentioned it.

True to what I shared earlier, the Nativity has a permanent place in our living room.

I really do love it and I really enjoy the reminder on a daily basis of what Father God did for us in sending us his Son, his promise of salvation.

Waking Up to a New Attitude

2011-02-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

I'm a notorious slob. I have been ever since my dad convinced my mom that I should have some space to treat all as my own. 30 years later and I still have the discipline of a 4 year old in keeping clothes picked up and my last project's materials put back in their places.

Unfortunately for everyone around me, what was once confined to a bedroom spreads out across the entire house. Our entire surroundings often reflect the chaos that is my mind following any number of creative paths.

But I've discovered an interesting thing.
I cleaned and organized our bedroom. Not just straightened a few things - this was like a good deep clean. Then draped the curtains nicely, made the bed inviting and rearranged the furniture to make it feel more open and accessible.

We picked up an entertainment center on the cheap at Salvation Army and with the help of a couple cloth baskets and an S.A. mirror, turned it in to a dresser.
All those clothes and random items we used to wade through or toss here and there while in search of the shirt we just knew was buried in there somewhere now have their own places and they're actually kept there.

And you know what? It turns out that when you don't wake up to chaos, when you instead wake up to sunshine and organization and every corner whispers an invite to sit and enjoy...
...well, it kind of affects your whole mindset for the day and everything turns out a bit more organized and sunshiney...
from the living room

to the kitchen

anybody that knows me well knows the odds of having all those rooms clean at the same time is against significant odds.
Having them all clean for days in a row is unheard of. (admittedly, Amol has a large part to do with this as keeping them clean has become a priority of his and Steph has been stellar in looking after the kitchen.)
All it took was organizing the bedroom and making it a room I now love to be in.
Who knew?
...oh, yeah. my mom. It only took 30 years to learn that lesson...

Adorableness

2011-02-22T22:14:00.001-05:00

How could this post be titled anything else?

And how could I do anything but watch the rise of his chest and listen to his soft breaths...

Ode to a Neighborly Kind of Neighborhood

2011-02-22T10:14:00.000-05:00

I have lived in no less than 10 homes (excluding university housing) in 4 states and 2 countries. In only 2 of those homes could I say there was anything more than a passing greeting with the neighbors. But even as friendly as we were, I could not have been prepared for what life on South Townline Road is like. You know how they tell you that if you trust in God, He will provide for you in ways far beyond your imaginings? That's what coming to Linesville, and Townline Road in particular, has been like.

The first community God put in our paths was the church He led Steph to. I cannot express how profound the match is between the Conneautville Church of Christ leadership and community and what I had imagined as an ideal home to come to God. It is such a strong home that any social schedule I have invariably is centered around a church event, meeting a fellow member of the church family, or working on an area of ministry hosted by the church. Even my husband, who does not have a personal relationship with God attends every Sunday's sermon, has found his friends from amongst the congregation, and is investing himself in community efforts such as the church-wide Bible in 90 Days program.

So God has left me in awe and deep gratitude in planting us next to this church, but he didn't stop there. He also landed us in a neighborhood that is filled with families that are absolutely fabulous.
It's an Amish neighborhood.
Supposedly, the Amish are a fairly closed community. And maybe some are. But in the 6 months I've been here, I've met several of the families within a few miles' radius. Time and again, we have been welcomed and assisted in various endeavors.

From hitching their team of horses to Steph's Jeep's bumper to pull her out of the ditch and snow drifts to spending an entire morning helping us in the orchard, teaching us how to use a chain saw safely, our neighbors have taken time and care to help us get settled. The ladies have entertained my questions and curiosities and even shared thoughts and experiences related to child birth (I later learned this is extremely taboo) to the point that they spoke to the community midwife who has now accepted me as her apprentice. When I wanted to try my hand at making cheese, I asked my neighbor for any tips and came away with 2 recipe books (borrowed), a supply catalog for all things goat-related, and an assortment of packets of cultures. Just because she thought they'd be helpful. She found another book and family recipe later that evening and sent her son over with those, too. Too profuse a thank you and she's terribly embarrassed. This is just what she, her family, and this particular community does.

One day, we had some possibly significant problems with our coal stove. It was a Sunday - stringently protected as a Sabbath day on which no work or marketing is carried out. Still, Michael's oldest son climbed onto the roof to check that the chimney was clear. Soon after, Michael himself came down to look at the belly of the stove and hear our account of the small explosion that had knocked our chimney pipes apart. After solving the mystery of the gas build up (over zealous grate shaking causing a trapping of the outgassing of the embers), I apologized for needing his help on a Sunday, causing him to work. He replied that we are also called to lend help on Sundays. It was just that simple and gracious. And I was reminded of Yeshua-Jesus's reprimands against putting legalities over the 2nd greatest Law (love your neighbor), which is really a reflection of the 1st greater Law (love God). In dealing with him that day, it was obvious that there was absolutely no hesitation. This is a man, and these are neighbors, with hearts of gold and hearts for God.

I enjoy watching God work - in what He's done in our own lives, in the church family He has led us to, in the amazing people He's surrounded our home with, and the way we can see glimmers of Him and His Son in our neighbors' actions.

Life According to Max (aka, a dog and his boy)

2011-02-18T08:22:00.001-05:00

As you'll recall, I love dogs and had hoped a particular Old English Sheepdog would be able to make his home with us. Unfortunately it didn't work out (being the size of a horse with no spatial awareness doesn't work well in a toddler's home). I'm happy to say that he did find a new family very soon after he went back to the shelter.

We waited some time to go looking for a new match. We had some traveling to do and we figured if Sam were a bit bigger, it would also make it easier to introduce a new dog on the larger size (our preference).

In late January, we welcomed Max to our home (I know, this is a little late in coming, eh?)

Max is a German Shepherd - Collie mix. He was found as a stray but it's obvious from his demeanor and response to some commands that he once had a family that spent a lot of time with him. He's very loving and has adopted Sam as his boy. Sam alternates between calling him "Max!" and "pillow"...

He fits right in and we're already quite attached to one another. As for Laela (Steph's dog), the two are quite the team and can bark in harmony beautifully...

Life According to Chocolate

2011-02-18T08:15:00.000-05:00

I asked them (Amol and Steph) to go to the Norrisville seconds grocery for some San Pelegrino and a chocolate bar. Maybe two.
I'm told they visited each aisle a few times (who can resist pantry goods marked down as much as 90% because it's dented?!?)
They came home with this...

Speaking of people who like chocolate...

He's not allowed to eat chocolate candy, but if someone just happens to be eating a bit of chocolate ice cream, he's allowed to sneak up on the lap for a bite.

"Because" (a B90 post)

2011-02-05T09:03:00.001-05:00

"Because" has been echoing around my head for quite some time now.

For those keeping up with the schedule, you're just entering the fantastic story of Job. For me, well... let's just say we're keeping a slower pace amongst the Samuels. Which means much of the reading still involves amazing amounts of carnage. I cross-posted Mom's earlier post where David Stern points out the book of Joshua depicts the physical manifestation of what is truly a supernatural battle between Good and Evil. That continues on through the next few books as the history of Isra'el unfolds, always with the tribes falling short of carrying out whatever God tells them to do, or compromising on what they feel is best.

As I read about David (not Stern) going out again and again to "kill his ten thousands", I really appreciate being able to hold on to that image of the supernatural battle. After all, David is a really screwed up guy. He may have been a man after God's own heart and an amazing poet, but he's an incredibly imperfect role model in so many arenas. Were it not possible to so obviously see God's hand in so many aspects of David's life and his victories, it would be very easy to look at that degree of violence with a certain dubiousness.

But really, for me, it comes back to the word "because," as it was used in the beginning of Isra'el's story, back with Avram, even before he became Avraham. In Genesis 15, we read,

As the sun was about to set, a deep sleep fell on Avram; horror and great darkness came over him. ADONAI said to Avram, "Know this for certain: your descendants will be foreigners in a land that is not theirs. They will be slaves and held in oppression there four hundred years. But I will also judge that nation, the one that makes them slaves. Afterwards, they will leave with many possessions. As for you, you will join your ancestors in peace and be buried at a good old age. Only in the fourth generation will your descendants come back here, because only then will the Emori be ripe for punishment."

The descendants of Avraham would be brought back after 400 years (not 300, not 375, not 450) because only then would this region of God's earth that was set apart for His set-apart-people be filled with such evil and debauchery that it would warrant a tool of destruction to root it out. A tool set aside and honed for 400 years.

Had all gone smoothly and His people listened to Him, it would not have taken another several generations to carry out that rooting. The prolonged violence was (is) there because each judge, each leader, each generational head, figured they could use their own interpretation and water down the orders a bit. Eventually, of course, they finally quit losing victories and are simply handed over. Even carnage on the supernatural scale seems to have its limits. The point is that there had been a purpose and it had been spoken of long before.

God warned of ways that would turn His people aside even to the point of sacrificing their children. I have lived in a country where children have been brutally killed in order to 'give power' to spells to bring wealth or land or, ironically, more children (please note, this was rare, and caught the nation's attention each time it did occur). I now live in a country where atrocities are carried out on children in ways so gruesome my mind reels and I can't finish the news stories. (again, it's salient in the news because it isn't the social norm) It is a world where the Super Bowl in Texas or the Olympics in Beijing puts child trafficking rescue agencies on high alert because so many will be victimized. We can see today what God spoke of those millenia ago. Where the evil is, it will be active and it will invade our lives and it will cost us more than we could ever imagine giving up to it.

Why does this matter so much? Two big reasons for me:
Unless we can understand this about our God, we cannot fully share Him with others. Until we can recognize the "because"s, the Father's repeated pleas and warnings not to make him enforce the "because", and the magnitude of each of the situations in which he acted (acts) out, we cannot answer questions. As my pastor wisely pointed out one day, we are called to be witnesses to how He works in our lives, not defenders of the Almighty. His Word is His own apologist, and it's incredibly powerful. But we cannot point seekers to the appropriate apologist if we are not intimately familiar with it ourselves, and have some understanding of how this amazing mosaic becomes the final 1000-piece puzzle.

From my own life experience, I can testify that we lose people to this. I was one who fell away from the church with a bad taste about an irreconcilable, wrathful god and it was a big challenge for me to return to Him with that unreconciled. The majority of us in His army have not read his instruction manual for us (which is also His explanation to us). It's a pity I did not do my own reading all those years ago - He would have shown that's He's not irreconcilable with the church (though He may have shown that he's incredibly misrepresented by many). It's a pity nobody I asked could've shown me where to look. It's a pity that today, books like Is God A Moral Monster? Making Sense of the Old Testament God are needed because this is the angle of the Enemy now. In a politically correct, equality-sensitive, culturally blinkered landscape, not being able to see the First Testament in all it's amazing interrelated glory means we're missing some pretty crucial maps in The supernatural battle.

The other conviction that is coming to me increasingly is how poorly we're carrying out these same instructions and we aren't even called to splatter ourselves with blood on a battlefield. Isra'el was brought out of Egypt after 4 generations / 400 years not because of their own merit or only because their cries had become so pitiable. Rather, those who were set apart to him were called up to specifically fulfill a role (dare I say a responsibility) towards His greater plans, if we look back at that prophecy given to Avram/Avraham. While at the time of Moses, God says that he has heard His people's call and was responding, we also know that their movement out of Egypt wasn't only for their own end of domination by the Egyptians, it was time to take the next step forward for the Kingdom.

The inhabitants of the land handed over to Isra'el were being destroyed because they had become so evil (ripe for punishment) and only that which was good and clean and holy was fit for a holy people. We are grafted in to that holy people. We are called to ponder on the good things. We are instructed to put away anything that would lead us astray. What movies are we watching, what books are we reading, what jokes are coming into our email inboxes. What addictions are we feeding, from cigarettes to pornography. If Yeshua-Jesus were the guest at every meal and the silent listener of every conversation, would He be comforted and encouraged to be in our company? Could we say that we had rooted out all the factors that we are called to put away? Or would we come up with some really great rationalizations on why this or that compromise seemed to make it ok?

For us now, there's no blood involved that we ourselves must shed (SomeOne else's blood saw to that). Possible feelings of deprivation? almost definitely, if we're being honest. Feelings of over-zealousness and oddity? Oh yeah. But we've seen what happens if we don't - we will be handed over to those very things we hope to remain in control of. And isn't the idea of being over zealous as a negative stereotype interesting? How did that come about? In our reading, the most over zealous are the ones that God walks with and calls "friend" and "righteous." I wouldn't mind a few those words applied to me in eternity, so why am I so careful to not have 'over zealous' used in the same sentence as my name today?

When the world reached points of sacrificing its children, it was only when His people cried out and then promised to listen and follow Him to the letter, that he interceded. We are in the time of Joshua, the Judges, of Samuel, we just don't have as much literal blood to show for it, at least not on our own clothes. But don't doubt the blood is there. Every time we (yes, I absolutely include myself in this) let the Adversary's influences in our doors in however small a degree, we ensure it is prolonged.

HE calls us to Him and He promises a really great reward in being His children. But He is also a demanding and exacting father when it comes to our protection. Why should we listen? As any parent has said to their child at some point,

"Because"

The B90 Blogalong- Mom on Joshua and tent pegs

2011-01-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

Mom has been posting regularly on her B90 journey and this morning's entry will blow you away.
Check it out here.
To whet your appetite, start with this:

"Joshua is not an epic account of Israel's heroic generation or the story of Israel's conquest of Canaan with the aid of her national deity. It is rather the story of how God, to whom the whole world belongs, at one stage in the history of redemption reconquered a portion of the earth from the powers of this world that had claimed it for themselves, defending their claims by force of arms and reliance on their false gods." CJB Online-BibleStudyTools

Although this doesn't reduce the pain of war, it does help me to understand the significance of the retaking of the land through violence. I have to keep in mind that these peoples with their gods and human efforts had heard of the one God and, apparently, chose to reject him. Rahab the prostitute confirms that the people knew about God's might when the two spies entered the city where she lived. Rahab and her family were saved because she acknowledged God and asked to be spared. The other inhabitants of the city would have had the same knowledge and opportunity but chose to continue worshiping their gods.

B90 - Leaving Leviticus

2011-01-17T16:24:00.001-05:00

Having a toddler definitely makes reading the Bible in 90 days more challenging, and I found I was falling dreadfully behind. I was still in the first half of Leviticus as the church moved in to Deuteronomy. Determined to stay with it, I resolved to move ahead to Deuteronomy (a book I enjoy) and come back for the remainder of Leviticus and Numbers (a book that helps me understand just how long the sojourn in the desert might have felt). Whether it was my (self-diagnosed) OCD or the Spirit, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave a book partially read or skip one that is part of reading the whole Bible. So I did what any self-respecting, sleep deprived, B-in-90'ing woman would do - resorted to the insanity of reading both concurrently.

But you know what? I'm glad I did. Because God moved me deeply a couple days ago and it all starts with Leviticus 15:19.

If a woman has a discharge, and the discharge from her body is blood, she will be in her state of niddah for seven days. Whoever touches her will be unclean until evening.

For any gentleman readers, please rest assured that the remainder of this post is not about feminine biological functionings; it's just my starting point.

After a variety of restrictions on not touching a woman (or her bed) while in niddah, Leviticus 15:28 picks up with,

If she has become free of her discharge, she is to count seven days; after that, she will be clean.

I've always had issues with the restrictions around women while they experience their monthly courses, which are natural and appointed by our Maker. My last time through the Bible, I bristled at this mitzvot and had to chalk it up to one of those things I just don't understand. But it weighed heavily on me to be a bit out of sorts with God over my disagreement with the justice of this rule.

He just needed some time to change my heart a bit more, it turns out. Here's a bit of the journey He's taken me on, which finally fit together as I was driving down Highway 18 struggling with Leviticus 15...

As I've moved away from being a hardcore feminist and in to a place of hearth and home and family, I have begun to appreciate and trust the idea of letting God guide the growth of our family. I tried doing it on my own; injections and pills to prevent having babies, pregnancies that failed and devastated us with grief, a body so chemically out of whack as to make daily living difficult - somehow it just wasn't as liberating as the caption on the poster said it would be. These many months, we have chosen instead to focus on being parents following more natural patterns and will trust that another child will come if and when the time is appointed. For me, this has been a huge surrender and I'm finding great peace in it.

Meanwhile, I've been spending a lot of time in contemplation of how to deal today with mitzvot given millenia ago. As one friend pointed out a week or two ago, it's hard to figure out where the line is in determining what's still applicable. The bottom line is (in my opinion), they are all still applicable. HE said so, over and over again, as he pointed out that these mitzvot are for all the generations, that we will do them if we love Him, and He will know His people because they keep His mitzvot. Jesus-Yeshua reaffirmed this. The problem comes from the fact that so much of the world has been so far away from what He designed that our thinking falters at the idea of implementing many of them. Society around us makes it seem particularly odd or difficult. In other words, we've come to a place where doing the "right thing" feels wrong.

Like separating a wife from her husband for 2 weeks because she's menstruating (7 days) and then becoming clean (7 days) seems like second class citizenship and punishment for a natural body function, not to mention completely unnecessary.

But then it all clicked into place.

First, why the separation? Blood is revered as the basis of life. In the sacrificial system, the blood is not to be spilled casually - it is life and only God gives life, and so it must be offered back to Him. What is the blood we women release monthly?* It's not just blood, the liquid of life; it is life-giving blood itself. It is the very thing that takes the miracle of the first cell divisions of conception and nurtures that zygote until it can reach a point of symbiosis with the mother. This is not just the blood from a cut to the hand, it is a part of a profound Mystery.

So I get why women are to be separated. But another 7 days on top of that?

Here's where I'm stretching, but stay with me.

What were the keepers of God's covenants supposed to do? Go forth and multiply. From Adam and Eve to Noah and family on through the 3 patriarchs whose offspring would "outnumber the grains of sand" - and on to us. There are arguments all over the place about (over)population and resources. But again, I would say we are out of balance from God's intention to a disastrous degree. Were we abiding by his rules for our lives, we would be proper stewards of the world (and its resources), our children would have parents present - both of them, and God would be providing all we needed (incidentally, God is still providing all we need - it's the human factor that gets in the way of actual provisioning). So yes, we could still be having our larger families and trusting to God to determine whether we are one or ten children households.

Following a more natural way of parenting, extended breastfeeding would be the norm. This means a woman with a small child would not have a period of niddah for many months (even a couple years) after childbirth. So her separation and partial isolation isn't necessarily happening that often. When she does begin her monthly courses, what do we see?

We see her returning to her marriage bed, most likely craving human affection after a period of separation and no touch, 14 days after the start of her last period.

Any guesses when women are, on average, most fertile?

So we have a commandment that seems harsh upon first read, but if we're "multiplying", there are at least a couple years where it doesn't apply (say, 9 months + ~20 months), and then when it does come in to effect, it could play a significant part in once again becoming 'with child.' That just fits together so nicely, seems to me.

All of this is not intended as persuasion on why we should separate ourselves and look at women as "unclean" during and directly after menstruating in order to better leverage our fertility cycles. Honestly, even as someone who strives to be "Torah observant," this is one mitzvot that would not go over well in my own home and will not be implemented any time in the foreseeable future.

Rather, the epiphany for me is how commandments given to us from God that seem random at best and unjust and inhumane at worse, actually work towards His goals for us in how to receive His blessings. But in order to see the possibilities, we must step back and not simply assume, through our current cultural lenses (which happen to reflect a fallen, desperately broken world) that the guidelines and rules given by ADONAI God are no longer plausible or applicable. Difficult? Probably even in the best of times surrounded by supportive community...

He never said it would be easy. But He did promise to love us for trying, and that still sounds good to me!

*Very Important Note: My conjectures above are just that - conjectures. There is nothing in the Scriptures to validate what I am piecing together. I am simply relaying a trail of thoughts that made my heart warm at how good and put-together His Words to us are.

B90 Family Post (Lev 1-14)

2011-01-09T16:31:00.000-05:00

Mom over at Awaiting the Next Surprise shares a few thoughts:

Today's reading was Leviticus 1 through 14. I read slowly and then I re-read many passages. I noted the differences between the types of sacrifices but could not tell them to you without referring back to my Bible. There was one thing that really stood out to me this time around in my reading. This is the first time that I realized that it's normally not the priest who kills the sacrificial animal and cuts it up.

Read the whole post here.

B90. Exodus Randomness

2011-01-09T16:13:00.000-05:00

Over the past few days of reading, I've offered up a prayer that God would help me to see points that I need to work on in order to live His Word more fully. While there are lots of highlight markings, Chapter 16 of Exodus really came out strongly and in diverse ways. It would seem the Spirit is doing a lot of convicting (be careful what you ask for, eh?).

In verse 8, after the Israelites have been complaining for a while and Moses has already gone to God about it, he comes back to the tribes and admonishes them, "your grumblings are not against us but against ADONAI." (v 8) The things about which they were complaining were not things Moses could have fixed on his own while at the same time, Moses was appointed their shepherd as they crossed this particular span of time and geography.

How does this apply today as a point of conviction? In Romans 13, we are told,

"Everyone is to obey the governing authorities. For there is no authority that is not from God, and the existing authorities have been placed where they are by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authorities is resisting what God has instituted; and those who resist will bring judgment on them." (v. 1-2, CJB)

I have many thoughts (and even more questions) on how some government regimes and authorities could be 'placed', especially having come from a country (India) where government parties have been solidly implicated in some of the bloodiest, deadliest communal riots. Or when I look at World War II and what those 'placed' authorities did. I look to Iraq and try to imagine Suddam Hussein as being 'placed'. And yet at the same time, we know through Joseph that what is intended as evil, God can turn to good.

My point is, how often do I complain against this authority or that? Whether I voted for him or not becomes moot once the authority is vested. Because the authorities we have over us are there through God's purpose, and to complain to them or about them may be grumblings against ADONAI.

I don't think this means all is preordained and we just sit back to have our wires pulled. The Tanakh (Old Testament) shows us God is dynamic, if nothing else. I don't think we are to simply stay silent in all accounts - there are truly unjust things happening in the world (including in our own back yards), with the implicit and explicit approval of those same authorities who are placed. We are called to stand up for those who need protection and assistance, and it may be part of God's will that the dissenter's voice be the turning point of a 'placed' authority's effects. I think the discernment needs to be between grumbling (ie, gossip-like complaining) and prayerfully pursuing the injustice. Perhaps that is why we have so many models of prayers of intercession throughout the Scriptures. I note that none of them could be construed as grumbling...

The other point that stood out to me comes from verses 16-18. Interestingly, I know a few people who have been spoken to by the Spirit in recent times when it comes to issues of excess (aka, gluttony or overeating). It's been settling in to my own consciousness (and conscience) for several weeks now. So the description of the people gathering the manna each day according to their appetites (rather than their needs) jumped out at me:

"each is to take an 'omer' [two quarts] per person...whoever had gathered much had no excess; and whoever had gathered little had no shortage."

Mind you, this was after they'd all started complaining about the lack of variety on the menu, but still there were those who were attempting to hoard and overeat and those who were trying to skimp, which would've resulted in certain weakness. Wherever they were on the spectrum, God interceded and appointed their portions.

I can imagine my consternation if my overloaded plate of spaghetti were to have diminished in volume between the counter and the table. It would also be rather helpful, in some ways. But proper eating was important enough to God that he saw to it and had it recorded.

I've recently joined Weight Watchers as a tool to bring my body more in line with my intentions to follow God and give more effective testimony. I hope to be able to hold on to this small point the next time I go a bit nuts with food portions. Perhaps instead of God reducing the volume on my plate, I will be able to hear the Spirit while the ladle is still in my hand...

The B90 Blogalong

2011-01-08T17:26:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned earlier, my mom, aunt, cousin, and husband are doing Bin90, as well. Since 3 of those 4 are fellow bloggers, we will be handing the baton of blogging our thoughts or things that caught our attention back and forth.

Aunt Kristine is the first to have picked up the idea and has posted over Patenting My Reinvention. From her entry:

Reading such large chunks of the scripture has me noticing things for the first time or again and asking questions and really just kind of acting like a new to the faith believer. And in a Christian culture that prizes maturity, it can be humbling to feel like that child. But I secretly suspect that I am the lucky one, since it fans the spark of my first love.

Click here to see her entire thought

If you're doing the Bin90 and would like to join us in sharing your thoughts, let me know. The only requirement is the understanding that we are all pilgrims and seekers here, none of us with a complete understanding or perfect interpretation of what we are journeying through.

Bin90 Day 2: On the Road to...

2011-01-03T00:12:00.000-05:00

Damascus? Nope, this one was headed for Paddan-Aram.

It was only as Ya'akov-Jacob was headed to Paddan-Aram to find a wife (ie, he was an adult) that he agreed that he might take ADONAI to be his God. Oddly enough, I hadn't really thought about Ya'akov's relationship to God before he had his dream at Beit-El. After all, this was the man who would become Israel. The last in the list of patriarchs when followers of the Abrahamic faiths speak of their God - the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Except before that trip, He wasn't the God of Jacob. Jacob would have known all about God since childhood, but had yet to experience Him in a meaningful way and so hadn't taken Him into his own heart.

There have been several times since my own Coming to Jesus transformation when I have been grateful for my later-in-life transformation. There are things I am learning, experiences I am having, and a relationship that is growing because they have come at a point in my life when I can synthesize information, reconcile differences, and measure (and value) the relationship being built. There are also days when I wonder what my life would have been had I felt a drawing to God much earlier on; how much pain could have been saved, how much more mature my relationship with Him might be, what more I might've done by now to further His Kingdom.

I genuinely enjoy (attempting to live) life based on Biblical principles, turning to Father God, my Lord Yeshua, and calling for the guidance and strength of the Spirit. I can see so many turns in the path that is my life that would have been so very different if I'd had this understanding earlier.

But God seems to have a way with us late bloomers.

I do not expect to have any great impact on this world that would be worthy of a biography in any form. But I do take solace in the story of Paul and now the story of Jacob - that even those of us who come to Follow later in life, after building up a history that can only represent either spectacular hypocrisy or genuine reformation, have a role to play in His story.

An Exciting Day

2011-01-02T21:20:00.002-05:00

It's been a pretty exciting day around here, with wildlife, good conversation, and happy news!

The elk visit Mom's yard often, but they haven't come around since we've been here. Then today, a huge herd of them surrounded the house, the neighbors' houses and along the road. It was very cool and Sam loved them ("Eek! Eek!" That 'L' sound keeps giving him trouble...)
The adults make a trumpeting sound that I've always been intrigued by, but I'd never heard the young'uns vocalize till today. Since a good portion of the herd was very young, there was lots of opportunity; it sounded almost like an odd electronic toy malfunctioning. But maybe that's just me.
Looking at the corners of Mom's yard:

We also had visitors of the biped variety. Our friends Philip and Janet came over for coffee and homemade biscotti. An afternoon with them always promises interesting and dynamic conversation. They travel more in a month than most of us do in a lifetime, so I never know if our schedules will overlap. Happily we've been able to get together the last few times I've been out to visit. Philip is a writer and invariably our conversation turns to some of the adventures he's had while following a story or plumbing the depths of a topic. Janet has diverse experience as a social worker and I love how complex development issues can flow through our conversations and the amount of compassion she brings to it all.

I've also heard from my Mom and aunt Kristine that they will be joining us on the Bin90 journey, which has me pretty excited. Since we're all (except Amol) bloggers, I'm hatching a plan for a family B90 blog-along. In the meantime, Amol is the only one who has gotten through today's reading, though, so I'd best get cracking!

Sam Being Sam

2011-01-02T20:54:00.002-05:00

Sam has actually grown noticeably while we've been here in Colorado. In some ways, it's fortunate we leave in a few more days because Sam has been just short enough to clear Mom's kitchen counter edge. Another week or two and he'd be at serious risk for some nasty bruises. He's also experimenting with boots and shoes and putting them on himself. Whether or not they've reached his feet through his own efforts or ours, he is decidedly fond of his winter boots, even when that's pretty much the only thing he's wearing...

He's perfecting a few choice funny faces

And still loves to ham it up for the camera

I also have a new favorite photo of him and his dad

All in all, Sam has spent the trip being Sam (just taller and with an incredibly expanding vocabulary) and we all adore him for it.

What Else? (3)

2011-01-01T21:17:00.000-05:00

It's tradition that whenever I come to Mom's house, I knit something. A scarf, a shawl; the only criteria is that it should be something I can finish while I'm here since I never finish knitting projects I work on at home.
Turns out this visit's project went even faster than expected. Which is good, since we got a nasty little snow storm that's had temperatures in the single digits (while back home in Linesville it's been running in the 40's +)...

The gray is a merino wool / mohair blend and the yellow is a leftover bamboo yarn mom had. The red is synthetic, but it's oh-so-soft and smooth, so I'm going to pretend I didn't actually knit with acrylic. (I'm just a bit of a yarn snob)

I hadn't seen one of these headband earwarmers till my cousin Shannon showed up wearing one. Then we went online for a pattern and I replaced the intended flower with this rosette found from another pattern my aunt had sent me (because we all know I can't just stick to one set of instructions...). I then went out to Etsy to see what's out there. Between the boutique placements Shannon told me about and the bazillion or so that Etsy crafters are making, they are apparently all the rage.

It seems I'm really rather chic to be wearing one.

Who knew?

Bin90. Ready, Set, GO!

2011-01-01T21:03:00.001-05:00

Last Spring, after hearing my Mom talk about how she enjoyed doing the Bible in 90 Days program with her church, I did it alone. She sent me the workbook materials in India, I listened to the weekly lessons online (which, it turns out, are more comprehensive than the DVD mom's small group used), and all in all, finished in around 80 days. It left me fully invigorated, absolutely smitten with my God, and I knew even before I finished that I would do it again. Living and breathing the Scriptures and Gospel rather than picking through a chapter here and there makes a huge difference. It's also not so hard, especially if you're a reader. Fan of the Twilight series? Then you've read more pages (2,752) than it would've taken to get through the Bible and probably in more than ~12 pages-per-day blocks (most people I know who read them did so in a book-a-week speed). Ken Follett's Pillars of the Earth (1,008 pages) and sequel World Without End (1,024 pages)? Again, longer than the Bible (and I knocked both of those out in a couple weeks). The 8.5 x 5.5 NIV hardcover is 1,248 pages and that includes the index, concordance, and assorted intros and translators' notes! In all honesty, while there are some dry spots, it's a rather exciting story. And it's ours. Yeshua-Jesus's sacrifice saw to that. So we ought to be intimately familiar with our heritage, don't you think?

As I begin the Bin90 program again, what is exciting this time is that I'm doing it with my church, which is focusing all its activities over the next 3 months around the program. What's really exciting this time is that I'm also doing it with my cousin and husband. Yep - everyone at our house will be taking time each day to do their reading. I'll be reading from the Complete Jewish Bible version while Amol is using The Message. I expect Steph will be using her new NIV-The Message parallel Bible.

While it will be a challenge to come up with the time to read daily, what with Sam's needs, I am hoping to also blog a bit about things that really capture my attention in the Word. I've done many posts in the past that came from something I was inspired by while reading. I am looking forward to the Spirit speaking to me again as He wields the sword of the Living Word.

If you'd be interested in joining us for the adventure (and yes, it really is an adventure), let us know. We'd love the company and the extra motivation!

From today's reading (Genesis 1:1 - 16:16) - a smattering of thoughts

Gen 3:15: ...he will bruise your head, and you will bruise his heel.

I know this is considered the first prophecy of a Messiah, but I don't actually get it. At least not the bruising of the heel part. Must do some research on this...

***

Does how we dress really matter? It would seem so. This first came to my attention when Jocelyn wrote a bit about it over at Pondering Heart, but it's stood out to me ever since. One of the first things Adam and Eve do after eating of The Fruit is to fashion some basic covering from fig leaves. After issuing the various reprimands and curses, God doesn't send them off wearing their basic, but most likely skimpy, leaves. Rather,

ADONAI, God, made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. (Gen 3:21)

Amidst the sudden and spectacular fall of mankind, God saw fit to specifically clothe them and then make sure Moses included it in the account of Genesis...
I don't think this is an argument of "Sunday best" versus jeans at church. But it does speak volumes of how important modesty may be regarded by our Father.

***

The first time I ever took a pass at Genesis, the line

To Shet too was born a son, whom he called Enosh. That is when people began to call on the name of ADONAI (Gen 4:26)

really stood out to me. We're talking about 2 and 3 generations from the Creation. Based on years accounted for in Gen 5:3&6, this is only 235 years from when Adam was literally walking in the physical presence of God in the Garden.
Now granted, the Tanakh (Old Testament) is rife with stories of our propensity for falling away from an awareness of and desire to walk closely with God. But what were they doing for those 2 centuries, when there were still people alive who could speak first hand about the Almighty, Creator of the Universe, when they weren't "calling on the name of ADONAI"?
It just seems so strange to me, and so telling of how hard we must fight our own complacency. Because apparently this apathy we see so much of in the world today, and this sense that somehow we can get through it all without calling on God to strengthen us, has been there since, well, the beginning...

What Else? (1)

2010-12-31T18:30:00.001-05:00

So what else have we been doing during our visit to Colorado?
Visiting the lovely playground in my mom's neighborhood where Sam swung on a swing for the first time. He had tons of fun on the slide

climbed up the wall (with a bit of help from Dad)

climbed through the tunnels

and went walking with Mama

What Else? (2)

2010-12-31T15:30:00.000-05:00

Our crafty (as in crafting...), cooking, playing family has also been spending a lot of time enjoying each others' company and our complementary talents. But since half my readers are also Kristine's readers, there's a good chance you already read about this year's doughnuts,

snowflakes,

and Play-Doh

over here.

Among some of our complementary and overlapping interests is blogging (and cross referencing, on my part...). Ever noticed that "Family of Bloggers" list in my left side-bar?

Homemade Christmas

2010-12-31T13:13:00.001-05:00

While I made scarves for a couple people, the majority of my family got fleece-lined laptop sleeves. We (Amol, Steph and I) spent a fair amount of time at the fabric store looking for just the right fabric to match each recipient. I used a combination of pattern suggestions, so made mine as a prototype to see if there were any adjustments I would need to make.

I decided some detailing was needed. Like fun buttons

and the flap / closure being on the side where the computer cord goes so that the computer could still be charged while wrapped in it's protective sleeve.

After making any adjustments to how measurements were taken and finding out how people's computers were oriented for a top or side flap, production began in earnest.

Steph was with us, so she already knew what fabric she'd be getting.

She seems to have liked it since she's asked if a Kindle cover would also be possible. :-)

Kent is a fly fisherman, amongst his many hobbies and interests, and this fabric jumped out right away for him...

Shannon is a fabulous combination of interests and styles. While I started in search of something related to photography, somehow this one spoke up as I walked past it.

a textured, just-the-right-shade-of-green button, and a bit of detailing lent itself well to hers (that stitch is supposed to be reminiscent of the argyle pattern)

I was way excited to make Kristine's, because the fabric found for her couldn't have gotten any better. I'd started by looking out for fabric with a cooking motif, or perhaps sewing tools. Instead, I found vintage ladies wearing wrist length tea gloves and little girls in perfect petticoat dresses

secured with a vintage-style button

And a loop-de-loop top stitching along the top edge that just brought it all together perfectly

Amol didn't know he'd be getting one since we hadn't found the fabric while we were together. But a trip to Hancock's Fabrics once we reached Denver remedied the situation nicely. Turns out they had exactly the right fabric for him - upholstery grade linen in a manly yet fluid design. After 8 years together, you'd think I'd have him down for textiles, but no. Happily this really was the perfect fabric for him and he loved it. Yay! I even found a fabulous thick ceramic button to mirror the design of the fabric. I love details...

He's asked for a miniature version for his I-Touch...

For Mom, as soon as I saw the "I Love Grandma" fabric, I knew what we were doing...

and because she loves textured, picky furry fabric that she can absent-mindedly stroke, the back had to be made out of this:

layering fleece with a super silky polyester fur was not the easiest combination I might have come up with, but it turned out well and she loved it as much as we'd hoped she would, so it's all good.

Carmen's got sent out before I could take a photo of it, but it was her who inspired me to tweak my patterns to make envelope style sleeves. And as everything started coming together, I started thinking perhaps this could become something I make for Etsy. I've got a couple other specialty fabrics to see what I can come up with. And with Steph's and Amol's request, I've also got motivation for trying to do sleeves for other items along these lines. It'll particularly be fun to make families of sleeves in the same fabrics so all the gadgets coordinate! We'll see what happens. But first, I must come up with a creative name for a store front. Any suggestions?

Ode to Mary

2010-12-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

Whatever discomforts I have with Christmas, be it the appalling commercialization or the almost total integration of deeply pagan (read: other gods') traditions which we are specifically told to avoid, I do still participate in the holiday for several reasons and have many warm feelings towards the celebration. I would not do justice in this post in explaining what has evolved over many, many, many hours of contemplation, so I'm not even going to try. Suffice to say that my family and I attended the candlelight Christmas Eve service and I had many thoughts while watching, listening, and participating.

At this time of year, one can count on hearing any variety of tellings of the story of Mary's learning she's to be with child in a most peculiar way and with a most spectacular lineage, of Joseph's chivalry and submission to God, of a less-than-comfortable birth and a rather diverse welcoming committee.

Just as so much has changed in my life since becoming Sam's mother, so too has my hearing of this most-told Bible account. I expect it's an evolution of thought that most women in the congregation go through once they have become mothers. We cannot fathom the visitation of the angel or even begin to process what Mary would've gone through in those months of contemplating and living with the result of the Spirit's movement of her womb. But as we think about our final month(s) of carrying; of the heartburn, painful kicks to the ribs, the sudden requirement for a bathroom, all amongst the excited anticipation of finally meeting this being who has literally been a part of us for so many months... I must say that the long road to Bethlehem riding on a donkey, sleeping on the ground, with no hot showers or soaking pools for lower back pain lends a certain intensity and new-found empathy that I may have missed in my earlier hearings.

Aside from the physical aspects, I can relate differently to her as she contemplated her small child, wondering at His future. She had already been warned that her own heart would be pierced even as He redeemed all of humanity. Having a child, a "normal," born of man's usual biological processes child, is already like taking all the softest parts of your heart, giving the whole a pair of legs, and hoping you can protect it from too much pain (physical and emotional) in the world. Just as I think on the many roads Sam could take and what he might become in life, Mary would have held the same conversations with her self. Except instead of daydreaming about developed character traits and someday professions, she would have been trying to fit the mantle of Messiah, Anointed One, on her son's future. Instead of hoping she might be able to protect him from the heartbreak of first love or the pain of rejection, she would have been steeling herself from a known eventuality. I have only one prophecy about my son to contemplate and it's intimidating at times. She had the entire Scriptures (and with which she would have been well acquainted) showing her prophecies of what her son would endure and his eventual end.

As I watched the children at the church performing the living Nativity, I looked at the young girl-child Mary with her disturbingly real-looking baby bump, ready to heave in the final moments of birthing a new life. And I related to her differently. I had a glimpse of the resolve and faith and surrender she would have had. The story became not only about the night we were given a Light that would change everyone's possibilities for all eternity. The story became about the kind of woman I could aspire to. Not just the Proverbs 31 archetype. Not just the Titus 2 mentor. This was about being a mother and what that takes when trying to do it for the glory of God.

I wonder if I could ever be even a fraction of the woman Mary was by the time she was a girl...

Nuno Felting

2010-12-25T15:55:00.001-05:00

Some years ago, my dear friend Carmen told me she'd started using the nuno felting technique. Soon after, she opened an Etsy store called Fullen Star where she sells her amazing felted scarves and assorted accessories. Aside from the very clever name, I liked visiting the shop because nuno felting is as much a fiber art as a way to make beautiful wearables. Two years ago, while I was visiting from India, Carmen taught me and a few family members how to nuno felt. I haven't done much of it since then, but have loved the process any time I have had natural fabrics and a bit of roving.

Then when I attended the Crawford County wool and sheep expo, a woman there had her hand dyed, hand carded wool roving of the merino variety for sale. I knew what I was doing for a few gifts.

I took a few photos of the process as well as finished products so you can see why I enjoy this from start to finish...

Using a piece of very light silk as a base, I laid hanks of roving that I had yanked off and then teased open. The teasing is to lighten it up while also exposing the colors that I wanted running here and there. Being a very tactile person, I just love the textures here.

After a couple hours of weaving trellises of roving, a bunch of hot water, Dawn dishsoap, rolling, rubbing, rinsing, throwing, and lemon juice, it turns out like this:

I love how the trellis placement felts in a way to make the thin silk pull together and stand out.
I did this scarf in a different roving as well, and liked how it's colors came together to make a completely different look.

Both of these scarves are en route to some pretty fabulous women who I hope will enjoy them. And as much as I did like how they turned out, do check out Carmen's gallery to see what nuno felting can be when in the hands of a master (she's currently out visiting family, so wait a couple days).

And thanks for sharing your art with me, Carmen. I love doing it because of my own passions towards crafting and creating, but it's always that more special to me because I learned it from you and hold the memories of my "lesson" so dear.

the marvelous Carmen with Sam at Thanksgiving

Being a Light

2010-12-15T08:59:00.000-05:00

I really do hope to explore my discomfort with Christmas in a post some time soon. I sat and wrote out a long one last night (not on Christmas, as it were), but it doesn't quite feel right, yet. Seems I still have a bit more exploring of that topic before posting. Or there's too much written in a way that could be very misunderstood. But in the meantime, I have been coming back again and again over the past couple weeks to a message given by Scott Nickels out at FlatIrons Church. I love that church. I love their leadership team. I love their musical worship. And it's a rare message that doesn't speak to me very deeply.

I've only met Jim (the lead pastor) once and never met Scott (the teaching pastor), but I've downloaded (and listened to) every message they've uploaded in the last 3 years except the last couple months (bandwidth issues). I'm excited to reach Mom's house where I'll be able to get all the interim files downloaded and start getting "caught up". Their current Christmas series sounds uber interesting.

The message from last year is about being a light in the darkness, trying to reflect His light that He brought to us. The message reflects on what he was born in to, how different it was from our comforting carols about mangers and silent nights. About the inner peace God brings us amidst the expectation to be rocking people's worlds even as our own are rocked.

It really, really is worth a listen. I can't do a direct link to their mp3 file, but if you scroll almost exactly halfway down this page, you'll find it easily. It's called "Just Christmas - Lights Shining in the Darkness" and was given December 12-13, 2009. The red button there will let you download to your computer so you can listen at your leisure.

To whet your appetite, here's the intro to the series (it's 3 parts):

Once again, it's that time of year where we decorate our homes, rush around buying presents for people that we care about (trying not to think about next month's credit card statement), hit some parties, drink some "egg nog" and...oh yeah, remember that it's the birthday of Jesus. Why do we do all of this? Because it's Just Christmas. That's what you do, right? Maybe.But, maybe, there's something more...something overlooked, something that Jesus doesn't want us to forget in that little word..."Just."

Like that, only

2010-12-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

This post is purely for my own edification, because I am quite certain I really do have the most adorable child EVER

Baby Carrot Messiah

2010-12-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm in a very weird mental and spiritual space about Christmas. Some of my thoughts are very similar to my aunt's, and I'll (hopefully) soon be writing a bit about some of my other discomforts, if for no other reason than because writing here helps me sort my head out and clarify my own thoughts to myself.

But in the meantime, while at the Gospel Book Store, Amol stumbled across a lovely new toy for Sam. I love the toy, love that Amol found it, and love that Sam loves it.

Veggie Tales does the Nativity Story! Veggie Tales has made a big appearance in our house thanks to Steph's long-standing love for the characters and stories. We've quickly become fans, even Amol.

As for me, I continue to covet the Willow Tree Nativity Set. I find it beautiful enough that I would probably leave it out year-round. Perhaps that's one of the things I like best about it - it so nicely conveys the softness and love of the birth of our Messiah without pinning it to a mid-December event.

Listening over and over...and over

2010-12-11T10:01:00.000-05:00

I'm driving my husband and cousin a bit nuts by listening to this song over and over. Since apparently playing it regularly in the house from the downloaded YouTube video wasn't enough, I went to the Meadville Gospel Book Store to buy it on cd so I can listen to it in the car too...

Just in case you haven't heard it, or in case you're like me and just find that you're absolutely moved whenever you hear it,
ENJOY

stomp, stomp, stomp..."SNOW"

2010-12-04T14:02:00.000-05:00

During the earlier snowfall, we didn't have snow boots, mittens that fit, or a very warm coat for Sam to be able to go out and play. He enthusiastically ran back and forth between the windows where we were excitedly taking photos, but I got the feeling his enthusiasm was more a reflection of our own rather than his own feeling.

As the snow has started coming down this time, we are prepared with the necessary snow clothing accoutrement and had great fun taking Sam out to bask in the fluffy snow flakes.
He had learned the name for snow the evening prior. Since he doesn't pronounce his 'S's yet, it's more of a drawn out 'no', but he loves saying his new word.

As we stepped off the front porch, he took a few hesitant first steps, looked at me, and said "(s)no(w)...". Then he grinned. He took a few more steps, a bit more confident this time, and again pronounced the white stuff to be "(s)no(w)...". Seeing my happy reaction and bolstering himself more firmly, he stomped forward and yelled gleefully '(s)NO(w)..."

Intention to Speculation to Satisfaction

2010-11-20T10:18:00.000-05:00

There's been a fair amount of speculation in blogland lately about Kristine's Home-Canned Tomato Soup (ala my Grandmother's friend's recipe).

A couple of different people have mentioned their intention to attempt batches. A few weeks ago, Steph and I did actually make some and I've been waiting for it to 'cure' before opening some. So as I've read about other's plans, I was on to the speculation stage, especially since our second batch had an extra ingredient...

Um, yeah. That (+C) stands for Carbon. We had a slight case of scorching....

Happily, I can report that in opening a jar, it is none the worse for the slight recipe alteration. Unfortunately, Sam and I enjoyed it so much that there's none left over to share. But don't worry, we've got more jars. I'm looking forward to soon sharing a bit with a certain lovely lady from a Tomato Patch I visit regularly.

What's the word for that?

2010-11-20T09:54:00.000-05:00

When I went to bed the other night, I was resigned to having to sleep and really looking forward to the morning. What was going on that I was so bummed to slip into the world of unconsciousness for 8(ish) hours?
Oddly enough, it was and is, simply put, life.

As I woke the next morning and peeked past the shade drawn over the bedroom window, I saw the beginning of a lovely sunrise. Slowly squirming away from Sam so as not to wake him, removing Amol's arm from around my shoulder, I padded into the kitchen to start the coffee percolating and to gaze out the window.

It was not a staggering sunrise. There were no dramatic shades of pink, distinct lines of clouds were not shot through with rays of light. Instead it was one of those sunrises where the whole of the scene is beautiful in how solid and grounded it is, and how the steady lightening of the sky with understated but lovely colors promise a new day to be filled in whatever way you choose.

I offered up a short prayer, thanking God that He has brought me to a place in life where I'm so excited to be living life that I wish my days did not always have to come to an end and that I look forward to what the next day holds.

I thought back to a time when I waited anxiously for night, when I would have the sweet oblivion of 9 hours of not trying to figure out what to do with myself. A time when I dreaded going to a gathering because I felt there was little of interest I could offer to any conversation. A life that felt disconnected and unnecessary.

I thanked God for the many reasons for living He has given me; a close relationship with family, a son I am excited to be mother to, a marriage that is constantly blossoming into a deeper and more intimate partnership, and a relationship with Him that is so richly fulfilling as to be beyond my imagining.

As I shared some of this with my mother a few days later, I was trying to find a way to verbalize all these things I was feeling- the gratitude, the enthusiasm, the contentment, even the anxiety. And she summed it up for me in one word.

Meaningful.

My life has become meaningful.

I am profoundly grateful to Him for making it so.

Dearest Father God,
Thank you. For everything. For the days that were bleak so that I know how to value the richness of today. For the blessings that are so varied and full that I can't even count them. For a relationship with You that I cannot fathom, do not deserve, and can hardly express.
As I begin each day, please help me to choose actions and work and words that make me worthy of the blessings You have given. I will never be worthy of You; help me to be worthy of what You have given me to steward.
In Yeshua-Jesus's name, which is your own promise...
Amen.

Trivet-shaped Mattresses

2010-11-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

No matter how he laid on them

He just couldn't...

get...

comfortable...

DIY: Kitchen Shelf

2010-11-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

I finally got the large shelf mounted over the stove. First the delay was because I needed heavy duty wall brackets. Then I needed to get all the tools gathered, including the stud finder since this shelf ways a small ton.

I'm thrilled to have everything moved up and off the stove area. It feels much more open and organized to cook without all my stirring utensils and spices in the very tight space where I'm actually cooking.
Besides, we learned a couple nights ago that the vent along the top right of the stove top is where the oven vents out. This astute observation was made after noting the salt grinder was collapsing in on itself after the 3rd calzone was backing at 425 degrees...

Lessons learned in the kitchen never come easily, do they?

PS - a shout out to Sharon (who doesn't actually read my blog) for giving us the stove (which I love, Love, LOVE) as well as the shelf!

PPS - see the apple peeler / corer / slicer vice gripped to the counter? I <3 that.

Nature Everywhere

2010-11-09T11:59:00.000-05:00

Especially if you look up.

Snow...at least for a few hours

2010-11-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

It started like this...

Then it was like this...

And finally we were all kinds of excited that it was like this.

Sam's Happy Dance

2010-11-09T11:33:00.001-05:00

He's been pretty excited about things lately.
His Happy Dance has evolved to include a high kick, followed by quick stomping, then a squat with knee slap.
Just about anything will inspire it, but especially walking through doorways.

Cold. Very Cold.

2010-11-02T20:00:00.000-04:00

At least for a family transplanted from tropical Bombay...

DIY: Kitchen Sink Backsplash

2010-11-02T19:56:00.000-04:00

Our kitchen sink is in the island. It's a nice placement in terms of being able to chat with people while doing cleanup. Unfortunately, the lack of backsplash made it so the floor on the other side got all kinds of wet. Sam ran through it regularly and managed to wipe out more than once. We also dropped the sponges, soap, and various odds and ends over the ledge more times than I care to count.

Because there was so little space, I had to get creative in a solution. I settled on ceramic tiles designed for a bottom row with the sloping base. Two pieces glued to each other back to back made a slight 'T' for a more 3-D wall. I then used construction adhesive to glue that to the slight edge of counter extending past the sink. Then I used clear silicone beading along all edges - the 'T' as well as between each pair of tiles and along the top.

It seems to be working and has a decent hold to it. We'll see how well it does after some time.

It looks ok in this photo, but up close and personal, you can definitely tell this was a homemade fix.

Can I call chalk that up to character of the house?

DIY: New Loo

2010-11-02T19:44:00.000-04:00

Neither Amol or I cared for the commode in the new house.
So we replaced it.

Our first DIY project in the area of renovations.

the inaugural flush

I did the commode, he did the hand sprayer along side of it.

I can't begin to express how much easier cloth diapering is with one of these babies next to the commode, and though I've mentioned it before, it bears repeating. If you're considering using cloth diapers, get a hand sprayer. It can seriously make the difference between gritting your teeth through unpleasantness until you find you're rationalizing using that small stack of Pampers all the time and happily staying with cloth except for times of several-hours-outings...

A Maize Maze

2010-11-02T19:24:00.000-04:00

The church we've been attending holds family nights on the 5th Sunday whenever they occur, usually once a quarter. This time, they went to the Corn Maze at the Wooden Nickel Buffalo Farm in Edinboro.
Steph got a call to cover a shift, so had to work, but Amol, Sam and I joined the group.

Sam giving directions to Pastor Greg

A 7-acre corn field is used to make a maze with 16 mailboxes hidden throughout. You carry a paper and get stickers from the mailboxes as you find them. The theme this year was being environmentally friendly, so the stickers were actions that can be taken. We found about half of them before the dark and cold irritated Sam too much to keep going. Up to that point, though, he was having a blast running alongside our group between the stalks, carrying one of our two flashlights.

Our group was made up of Amol, Sam, me and 2 of our church's 3 pastors, Greg and Matt. I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to get to know our pastors better and was deep in conversation with Matt by the time we emerged to warm our hands at the fire at the maze exit. I was also thrilled that Amol got to spend the evening in conversation with Greg and Matt, getting the opportunity to meet them as 'regular people'.

I also thought this was a creative way to get some extra earnings into a farm. We were there on the last day. The next day, the corn field was being harvested. Anything to keep the small, family-run farms up and viable is a good idea in my book!

Sam, Mornings, and Fresh Air

2010-11-02T19:06:00.001-04:00

We've been enjoying mornings in the fresh air. It's been a bit chilly, but not too bad especially with a cup of coffee to keep the hands warm.

Sam wanted in on it, but didn't get further than a whiff. A caffeine high is all we'd need considering his natural energy levels nowadays!

Looking at how beautiful he is, I was moved to tears at how God has blessed Amol and I.

For the chillier days, we've got the full outfit going...

Random Moments: Joy

2010-11-02T18:43:00.000-04:00

This is what it's like having my family back together in a place I've been dreaming about reaching while experiencing the hand of God every day.

Joy.Pure joy.

I smile and laugh like this a lot nowadays.

London Fog & the Little Black Desk

2010-10-27T08:15:00.000-04:00

It was a good day for thrift shop shopping yesterday.
Not knowing I'd be seeing Amol by evening, I was content to set my goal on canning apple juice and (more) tomatoes, as well as starting our homemade yogurt culture.
But I needed jars.
And since I was going in to town anyways, a stop by Second Chance Thrift Store was only natural, right?

I really was hoping they'd have something I could use for the yogurt storage, and was a bit sad they didn't (decided on jelly-sized canning jars, ultimately). But they did have an awesome London Fog winter coat. Waterproof outer, down-filled inner (which zips out), in a stylish yet manly fashioning.

Exactly perfect for Amol and the Pennsylvania winter that can already be a bit harsh before Farmers Almanac warns that it will be colder than usual this year...

For Sam, the sweetest little toddler desk ev-er!
You can tell by the relatively fresh black paint that it's already been lovingly passed along a few children before being donated. It's so well made (wrought iron, perhaps? With a cog and wingnut-based table tilting system) that it could've easily worked it's way through many children if not a couple generations.

Something with this potential for cheerfulness should not be painted matte black, though.
I'm thinking Sunshine Yellow.
Or maybe Grass Green.
With the center of the table done in blackboard paint so he can still play with chalk as well as colorful magnets.
All for $2.99.

Have I mentioned I was excited to return to the US for the distinct pleasure of finding fabulous finds at thrift stores?

He's Here!

2010-10-27T07:56:00.000-04:00

My dear, sweet husband showed up on our doorstep last night (looking mighty handsome, if I do say so myself).
After a couple days of not hearing from him and starting to worry something had gone wrong with the Bombay house sale or, even worse, something had befallen him, I discovered he'd actually been in league with Stephanie to surprise me.

They had a bit of a snafu at the airport after a delayed landing at Chicago caused Amol to miss his flight (by 10 minutes - I can't believe he made it through baggage pickup, immigration and rechecking in just over an hour!!). I was let in on the secret in an attempt to discern how much he knows about American airports and facilities available therein, and what his next move might be.

Even though I knew it was him knocking on the door late last night, I still did quite the happy dance.
He's grown his beard and mustache a bit thicker than usual.
And Sam had just about given up hope of seeing him again.
So when Amol stood there talking to Sam while I held Sam amidst my jumping up and down (yes, it was that kind of happy dance), it resulted in Sam bursting out in panicked tears.
Poor kid.
But he's happily cuddled up to his daddy now, sleeping the morning away.

Thanks to all who lent their prayers that Amol would reach us soon and safely. Our God is ever so good and saw those requests through!

Sympatico

2010-10-16T08:35:00.000-04:00

a.k.a. She stole my blog post...
...though she did it with a lot more color, variety, and flare!

I'd mentioned at the start of Sukkot that we've been putting up bunches of vegetables.
The pickles that had still been cucumbers during that post turned out well

The salsa was so good we made another double batch and it looks rather pretty with the tomato soup.

The freezer is looking pretty well organized with frozen blanched green beans and garlic-basil tomato sauce.

The squash is decidedly less organized...

With all this putting up of food for the winter, I was a bit perturbed to see some lovely bell peppers in our fridge last week about to go bad, so I got out Steph's dehydrator to see what I could salvage.

It worked great. So the next time someone at church had a couple bags of peppers she was trying to unload, I happily brought all of them home. I got the first bag processed as slices a couple days ago. Yesterday I got the bigger bag done as diced pepper.
I had a bit of help...

We had some left over that we put in a freezer bag

And then Sam's favorite part, the clean up...

Our Home Furnace

2010-10-14T09:24:00.000-04:00

a.k.a. the learning curve of using a coal-burning stove.
a.k.a. God is looking out for us in very real ways

While our house is piped for propane gas heating, it also has an awesome wood and coal burning stove. Since nothing else in the house uses gas (at least, not until I get my new vintage cooking range installed), we'd been using wood in the stove to keep the house warm on cooler nights. Having had a fair amount of experience with wood burning stoves in the past, I was fairly confident on what to do and how to do it.

Cooler nights were starting to bring cooler days, so we went to pick up our first load of coal and bombard the lovely Mr. Junior Delegrange with questions about coal burning, filling the hopper, and a concern-causing creosote dripping from the chimney pipe. I also needed to check if the grate sifting lever was truly only supposed to have about 1" of give or if we had a problem there.

Turns out the grate lever should have a good 9-12" of give. Junior figured it was an old piece of coal wedged in one of the hinges. He talked me through what to look for, we let the wood fire burn out and the stove go cold and I did some digging. I removed all these solid pieces

plus at least that much ash that finally was able to drop through. And yes, there were several pieces of coal stuck in the grates. Happily, this also showed where the creosote buildup was coming from - with that much ash stockpiling in the actual burn cavity of the stove, it was choking the fire and causing smoke. That combined with the fact I was closing the flue to a low setting each night. Junior was going to come by in a few days to check on everything for us, but instead, sent one of our neighbors, Michael that evening itself. Turns out Michael knows this house well, having done quite a bit of work on it and helping out in other ways as the previous owner deconstructed and then reconstructed it. He confirmed the creosote problem to not even be significant enough to be termed "problem," that the chimney above the house is free and clear, and that we're good to go on switching over to coal. He also had a lot of insight for us on placement of the upcoming vegetable garden.

I was quite excited to have my grates so clean, and the lever working with quite a range of motion. It was a real sense of satisfaction and achievement to have done this. Even if it is a relatively minor job, it marked a milestone of getting some pointers, digging in and getting solidly dirty, and finding out I did it correctly.

To start the coal fire, you begin with a wood fire in order to create the bed of embers. As it was starting to catch, I couldn't resist a photo from the hopper.

As we started adding coal, I kept the flue open almost to full to help burn the creosote out of the pipe. We soon discovered the efficiency of a coal stove as our thermometer in the next room climbed.

After deciding (hoping) the creosote must be gone, we went ahead and brought the flue in and opened all the windows... The house returned to a more humane temperature, we congratulated ourselves, and went to bed.

2a.m. I wake up suddenly.
I realize my blankets are pushed down and I'm still warm. Happy as I am by this turn of events after several nights of freezing arms, I'm wide awake to the knowledge something's not right.
I check the thermostat in my (back of the house, usually much cooler) room and see it's 80 degrees.
I go to the kitchen and see the thermostat there has climbed.

I walk into the living room where the actual stove is and am blasted by heat, the floor uncomfortably warm on my bare feet.
I turn the flue dial the last half-click shut, trying to figure out how it is I've done everything that Michael and Junior guided me through, and yet if I don't get it under control, there's a very real danger something could combust.
I look down.
The only handle on the entire stove that had been easily leveraged is the one that locks the ash tray / grate access door. It turns down to open. Between gravity and the heating stove, it has fallen open, essentially making the stove, filled with coal, burn as if the flue is wide open. This is the kind of fire used to work metal...
I drag in some bricks from the front porch, wedge them in front of the door and under the handle. Steph helps to open every window in the house and set up fans in strategic points to try to cool things down.
At 3:30a, we return to our respective beds. I go with a prayer of thanksgiving and profound relief that God sent his caretakers to wake me, that He sent Michael when He did so amidst all the other concern, I knew the stove and chimney were at least safe if I could get the heat source under control, that Sam slept soundly throughout so the focus could be on our safety and not a cranky, sleep deprived toddler around hot metal.
Truly, He keeps us safe in His hands.

PS - I'm happy to share that since that evening, the stove has performed beautifully and our house has stayed in a cozy range of temperatures without causing any undue perspiration...

Um, yeah. Still here.

2010-10-14T08:16:00.000-04:00

A post a month. Not quite the blogging activity this blog is accustomed to. It's starting to rival my mother's blog for shock value (what!?! She finally posted something?!?) I love you, Mom :-)

I've got one of those deeper philosophical posts brewing in my head and heart. That always gets me pretty excited because even I don't know for sure what will come out in those posts until my fingers start pressing keys and the words flow. But before I get there, I thought I'd do a couple quick updates.

We went to a sheep and wool "expo" on 25th September. I barely refrained from buying sheep, chanting the last (serious) instructions given by my Aunt Kris which were something along the lines of,

"don't come home with a jeep full of sheep"

Not that we would stuff the Jeep full of stuff.

ever.

ahem.
(we'd spent all 3 of the prior evenings trying to figure out how to get everything in the Jeep, a kind of thrift store / yard sale / hardware store 3D puzzle...)

I would've loved to get one of these larger spinning wheels and a loom, but I settled on a drop spindle and a couple hanks of carded wool in order to play with the different natural fiber types and get used to their 'hands'. Figured the $5 price tag was better suited to our current stage of homesteading than the $300-700 wheels...

Introducing the Newest Tripp-Mankame

2010-09-23T20:35:00.001-04:00

We're putting together a farm. With small livestock.
So obviously we need some four-footed herding help.
And I've wanted one since I was about 6 years old and there he was at the Humane Society, needing a home.

Introducing Mickey (whose name will be changing shortly).

In case you don't recognize what he is since he'd had a bad hair day and needed a buzz cut, he will eventually reach these fabulous hair heights:

And before you ask, yes, I know how much goes in to their grooming (at least 3 hours a week in brushing).
But by then all the tomatoes will be canned and what else will I do with my spare time?

In all seriousness though, here's some information about Old English Sheepdogs that make me very excited to have him in the family:

The Old English Sheepdog is stable and happy-go-lucky. They are able to adjust oneself readily to different conditions, are loving and friendly. Loyal and protective and intelligent, they make a fine family companion. Friendly and gentle, they love and are good with children and are very much part of the family. They have a strong herding instinct and may try to herd people by bumping, not nipping, and need to be taught not to herd humans.

I figure he'll keep the goats and chickens where they're supposed to be and Sam away from where he's not supposed to be. So far, they're getting along fabulously (Sam and Mickey, that is).

I jumped up and down. No, seriously...

2010-09-23T20:30:00.000-04:00

A friend of Steph's and Kristine's called us down to her house because she wanted to thin out some of her furniture and a few other things she's collected over the years. What kinds of things?

An antique black enamel Singer sewing machine complete with the painted roses and beautiful cabinet. Yes, it's in my bedroom now, awaiting my reading of the manual to figure out how to make it hum sweetly along making perfectly smooth stitches.

We found several practical things for the house that I'll post about over time as we get them refinished and put into place.

As we were going to the last space in the house to explore, the basement, I reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped in my tracks.
It was beautiful.
It was obviously something she'd never ever give away.
So I did what any normal, sane person would do.
I stopped and hugged it, lovingly stroking its front door. Letting it know that someday I'd find its match and when it was in my own kitchen, I'd introduce them via webcam.

Sharon came down the stairs and after getting over her laughing fit, let me know she'd been trying to find a home for said piece for a couple years now and would I like it.

Would I like it?

I jumped up and down. I think I even sang a few bars of happy, happy sounds.

Alas, we need some big, strong men to help get it out of her basement and in to our kitchen so I had to leave it there for a while longer. But I promised I'd visit it and pick it up soon.
And I won't be making chai again till I get it, because seriously, chai was never intended to be made on an electric stove...

Bit cooler than Bombay

2010-09-23T20:15:00.000-04:00

Heavenly flannel sheets to nestle in to on a soft bed with morning sun shining through thin shades was a precursor to the day.

He wasn't particularly thrilled at having to wait through putting on multiple layers of clothing...

And at the rate he's growing, we weren't about to go to the department store to get an entire winter wardrobe that will only last a couple months. So we packed him up and off to one of my most favorite and looked-forward to things about returning to America, the thrift shop!

Where we totally scored some great quality, hardly used (seriously - there were still original store tags on some of the stuff!) warm clothes.

Yay for the thrift store and for a rather photogenic fashion model!

Tomatoes, tomatoes, TOMATOES

2010-09-23T19:53:00.000-04:00

A lady at the Wednesday evening Bible Study group asked Steph if we'd like some tomatoes. She managed to hold back the manical laughing till she reached home to tell me about it. Any other time, we might have been thrilled at the offer, but since my second day in country, this is what we've been doing:

Having never canned tomatoes before, I went a bit nuts asking the guy to load them up (while Steph, who has the tomato canning experience, was inside). They were just so beautiful. And well priced. So I figured if 1 bushel is what we went for, we could certainly make a bit extra with a 2nd bushel. And then I couldn't decide between the tomatoes in 2 of the crates, so simply opted for a 3rd bushel. I had no idea...

We have salsa, tomato soup, and pizza sauce put up (or in process). We've eaten tomato sandwiches, tomato salads, and scalded some for a tomato-sauerkraut-hamburger dish. We've given some away and have had to relegate some directly to the compost pile. And we still have half a bushel...

Would we like some tomatoes from your garden?
Um... Thanks!
But no, thanks...

Celebrating Sukkot

2010-09-22T21:19:00.000-04:00

Welcome back (to you and to me!)

This evening we lit the Shabbat candles to mark the opening of Sukkot. It is the first evening we're relaxing after 10 days of frenetic activity from relatively early morning waking to finally collapsing into bed late each night. Between getting things for the house (and for us) at a variety of yard and garage sales, thrift stores and a friend's efforts to "thin her collection", very nearly warranting our own parking space at Wal-Mart and Home Depot, and doing a spectacular amount of canning and veggie prep, this Shabbat is very welcome.

From top left, we have the huge butternut squash grown by our neighbor, sold along the side of a road for a quarter each (they're piled on picnic table, you leave the money in a jar nailed to the table). The melon and pumpkin were from the same table ($2.50 and $1 respectively). 9 of the 10 pints of salsa we canned. 7.5 pounds of fresh green beans (another 1/2 bushel is waiting to become dilly beans). 18 pounds of tomatoes peeled, cored, seeded, and simmered with a few other things to become Grandma's Tomato Soup (about 15 pints). Not shown are the 8-10 quarts of basil garlic tomato sauce frozen in our freezer or the 32 pounds of canning cucumbers waiting to become kosher dills.

It is appropriate to be celebrating our bounty from local growers today. And while I'd love to say that we managed to erect a gorgeous sukkah like this in our back yard to take our meals in,

we will instead be using one of these for our first observance of the Sukkot festival.

I figure Adonai will understand we mean well. And if we were to be on the Exodus journey today, the remembrance of which is the purpose of Sukkot, wouldn't this be what we'd be packing anyway? OK, so it's not quite the historical reenactment suggested by the Bible, but it's a good start...

A more thorough update coming soon. Lots to share and we're doing well, but for now I'm going to go do that solemn observance...

Happy Dancing

2010-09-02T23:38:00.003-04:00

Yes, my friends, we're doing the happy dance around here. Mostly. There's a bittersweet edge to it, but we'll get to that...

On 9th September, Sam and I will be flying 'home' to Pennsylvania.

But in order to make that crazy-close day possible, the following schedule is being implemented...

Today (Friday):

Draft letter to Board of Trustees and fellow Coordinators at Saathi with handover of key work I handle status updates of specific areas of management I look after.
Create "How To" guide on 'mastering' the Saathi website.
Be on phone mentoring fellow coordinator writing fundraising proposal for first time.
Hope Amol's trip to the Foreigner Regional Registration Office yields good results in obtaining Exit Visas for Sam and I and that we don't find they have once again changed the rules resulting in the need for several hours of bureaucratic haggling.
Pack weekend bags because Amol, Sam and I are going with Amol's parents to Nashik, about 3 hours away, to meet family. Before leaving, buy small gifts for family members we'll be meeting.
Carry Bible and Bible study materials (actually, just carry Kindle) so that I can observe Shabbat while in someone else's house. Carry candles, too...
Collapse exhausted.

Saturday:

Full day in Nashik, attempting to discern the occasional word since everyone will be speaking in Marathi (I've only learned Hindi, and not much at that). Use it as good excuse to remain immersed in reading.
See a few sites (I've never actually been to Nashik. Heck, after 8 years, I've hardly been to anywhere in India. Sad, really...)

Sunday:

9ish: depart from Nashik for car ride home
Meet 1room-kitchen buyers to get down payment
Show 2 bedroom-hall-kitchen (BHK) side to new potential buyers
Sort through my and Sam clothes and shoes for what goes and what gets packed away or boxed for posting.
Evening - go to Mumbai city for dinner with close friends. Hope Sam is loving spending so much time with people he usually adores because he has the high potential of being rather cranky by this point...

Monday:

Hire taxi to take me, my computer CPU (which is actually owned by Saathi), years of hard copy files, a few random thought-you-might-like-this hand-me-downs, and borrowed books to return.
Reach Saathi around 9am for intensive day of handing over work, training, Coordinators meeting, etc.
Home by evening (via train). Shower, dress in sari (for which I need to buy blouse over weekend).
Go to family dinner at Aaii-Baba's. (Amol's parents).

Tuesday:

Sort what goes in the suitcases, what will follow in a few weeks via Indian Post (ok, let's be real - Indian Post could take a few months...), and what goes in to storage to bring back on future trips of fresh baggage allowance.
Pack, weigh suitcase, unpack, re-sort and prioritize, pack, weigh suitcase, unpack, decide I don't need underwear or shoes nearly as much as I need to arrive in the US with quilting material and craft supplies already on hand, pack, weigh, see if turning suitcase on its side will eek off those extra 5kg, unpack...
Drop Sam at Aii-Baba's for Amol-and-me time.
Fall in to bed exhausted.

Wednesday:

It's all about Amol, Sam and me with no cell phones and woe be the person who knocks on our door.
Weigh suitcases to make sure they didn't put on any extra weight as I tried stuffing this or that small thing through the gap I left in the zipper (if you don't actually open the lid to put something in, it doesn't actually add weight, right?)
Cry profusely that Sam and I are about to go to the airport while Amol stays here (that's the bitter part to all this sweet) to finish selling the house sections and handle some camps he's already booked for.
10p, drive to airport with entourage of family in tow.

Thursday:

2am - get on plane, praying that Sam will not have a melt down in the next 26 hours
some bleary-eyed hours later, wander Frankfurt airport for 5 hours. Pray Sam's melt down won't be repeated, realize that he's finally settled in for a nap 10 minutes before we are to start seating for trans-Atlantic leg of flight. Wake Sam up, live through melt down (but at least it gets us on plane faster since we qualify as a 'family needing extra help in seating' if experience is any teacher...)
9pm - in strange physics of flying counterclockwise around the earth, arrive in Pittsburgh 26 hours after getting on plain but only 21 hours by the clock.
Pray Sam will sit happily in carseat Steph will have picked up for us, and begin the 3 hour drive home.
See my new home (in the middle of the night) for the first time.

Phew.

Can I go back to bed now?

But seriously, if I don't post for a few days, you know why.
And please keep us in prayer. That we'll have patience with each other amongst potentially frazzling schedules, that we'll have wisdom in what needs taken, that no sudden wrenches effect the sound of screeching brakes in the planning, and that Sam will see this whirlwind for the adventure it is and stay upbeat while we recall that a 1 year old doesn't necessarily understand long days and still needs lots of cuddles... And pray that Amol will be able to join us within a couple weeks.

Update - the tickets have been confirmed and we're leaving Friday (10th) early morning instead of Thursday. One more day with Amol. Yay!!! And happily we'll arrive at 2:20 in the afternoon (still on the 10th...) instead of night time, which will make several things easier...

Fellow "Competitors"

2010-09-01T02:24:00.002-04:00

Yes, I really want that serger. To see what i was up against, I went browsing through my fellow "competitors". But that's not really a good word for it. Because most of them are fellow crafting mothers, trying to make sturdier things for their families in a bit less time. As I read through various blog entries, I felt more like I was hanging out at a coffee shop for like-minded people rather than eyeing people who just might wind up with my serger in their craft room...

For instance, I aspire to the level of creativity and resourcefulness of Em over at Little Bits.
Check out one of the amazing carriers she's made...

Or the very fun kids' clothes, like this outfit her daughter is wearing (the original photo on her blog shows her daughter's head, but keeping to my rule of not showing other people's children, especially without their permission, I have beheaded the photo...)

And this lady has a sense of humor that doesn't quit. Not to mention a degree of patience and perseverance that I hope to have when our family grows. Check out her complete entry. It's worth the read!

Meanwhile, Tabitha and her husband put together a fab video. They wrote the lyrics, composed the music, her husband played the cello for it, and she's sewn that great skirt she's wearing. And even after having a child, she's able to wear her wedding gown for this. Hats off! The song is very, very sweet...

Unfortunately, when I clicked on over to YouTube and left it to load, I closed the tab with her blog and ~~don't remember where it is to give you the address~~ finally realized it was still open looking at another post. Check out some of her amazing creations. Just to whet your appetite, this dress is one of her own designs...

There were other great entries and some that were rather heart wrenching.
Sew Mama Sew is going to have their hands full trying to narrow this one down... And there are over 600 entries between the blog posts and forum-entered stories (that's excluding all the people disqualified by leaving their stories in the comment section)!

Rainbows are Strings around His Finger

2010-08-31T11:44:00.002-04:00

I've been pretty disillusioned about humanity for several years. There is so much pain wrought by humans on their fellow humans (not to mention animals). Having a child made looking at humanity's capacity for hurting each other even more difficult. To come in to relationship with God has only brought it all into even starker relief.

I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: Adonai, God is extremely dynamic. He is not contemplating his belly button or tossing die. After getting Creation all put together and determining it was good, He let us pick up our own story. We screwed up pretty badly right away, and within 9 generations (granted, they were long generations...), Adonai Himself was rather disillusioned with humanity, seeing only evil imaginings in man's heart.

Think of it - here's God. He's omniscient. He's functioning outside of time as we understand it and already knew everything that would ever happen. He was already prophesying about Jesus-Yeshua when Eve ate of the fruit. Yet, to see man actually in action, He was disillusioned to the point of actually regretting having made humankind. It "grieved his heart."

And "God said to Noah, 'The end of all living things has come before me, for because of them the earth is filled with violence."

What followed, of course, was that all living beings that had the breath of the spirit of life and moved on dry land, died.

God then establishes the first explicit covenant with man. Except it wasn't only with man, it was with Noah, his descendants, and with every living creature that was with them (aka, every animal on earth). The essence of the covenant ('for all generations to come')?
"Never again will all living beings be destroyed by the waters of a flood, and there will never again be a flood to destroy the earth."
He didn't stop there, though. He makes a sign of the covenant; a rainbow in the clouds.

I always thought this rainbow was for us - as a kind of reassurance. But on closer reading, I find it isn't. He said, "Whenever ...the rainbow is seen in the cloud, I will remember my covenant...". Then, He said, "The rainbow will be in the cloud so that when I look at it, I will remember...".

All in all, he mentions making the terms of the covenant, this very public display of a sign, and that it is as a reminder to Him 4 times between Genesis 9:13-17.

I can't help but picture Someone standing there, muttering to Himself, "I'm not going to do this again. No matter how bad it gets, I'm not going to do this again. I've got to remember, don't do this again. If I make a big enough and frequent enough sign, I can be sure I won't ever do this again..."

Because He knew.

He knew that even if He wouldn't do it again, we would.

There are many directions one could go in studying Noah. From His family, everyone is descended and the next two chapters are HUGE in what that group of 6 people meant for human history. One could also take it down the avenue of the Second Coming.

Instead, I want to take it down the road of Hope.

As I was feeling rather validated (and bleaker, still) about my disillusionment, I stumbled across a very lovely teaching by Rabbi Bradley Artson as he looks back at Genesis Chapter 1-9 in Everyday Torah.

(quoting Rashi quoting Rabbi Joshua Korhah) "So are the works of the Holy Blessing One. Even though God knew that humanity's destiny was to sin and be destroyed, God did not refrain from creating them for the sake of the tzaddikim (the righteous) who are destined to arise from those first generations."

Rabbi Joshua's response imposes a sacred obligation on each one of us. If God created the world only for the sake of future tzaddikim, then we have the power to vindicate God's decision or to render it untenable.. If we choose to act like tzaddikim - by performing deeds of loving-kindness, by caring for each other and for creation, by living lives of mitzvot (keeping to His instructions), and by delighting in the Torah - we can, retroactively, justify God's creation. Each act of tzedek (righteousness) proves God right.

And by the same token, each time an opportunity to do a mitzvah slips through our grasp, each time we could perform a compassionate deed or help another human being but refrain, we belie God's justification for making the world.

I'm sure there are some that will read that and say, "but that's justification by works."
I don't think it is. I think it is grabbing hold of the grace* God extended and saying 'thank you for seeing fit to give us a ~~second~~, ~~third~~, ~~fourth~~, {an uncountable number of} chances. I know I'll never be worthy, but I'd sure like to try giving You a reason to smile today instead of feeling only grief in Your heart. I'd like You to be happy at the site of Your rainbow instead of it acting as a reminder to hold back Your wrath.

And then I ask Him for the strength and support of His Spirit to give it a try...

*Genesis 6:8: But Noah found grace in the sight of ADONAI

Serging as part of Self-Sustainability

2010-08-31T06:58:00.005-04:00

This post is written to woo my fellow sew-ers on the Sew, Mama, Sew! editorial board so that they will see fit to set my family up with a lovely Husqvarna s21 Serger. This is how my life could be "better" with a Husqvarna s21 Serger...

I sew a lot of things.

crazy, design-as-I-go skirts
baby carriers...in multiple combinations
head coverings
and head covering tutorials

Made-by-Rae-inspired tops
Sew, Mama, Sew-inspired skirts
more Made-by-Ray (for Sew, Mama, Sew) tops

I've made dresses from recycling multiple clothing items (didn't turn out so well...)
Turned what was an elegant dress into a colorful potato-sack wannabe
R&D'd the perfect diaper bag, then designed and made it
Made soft toys for Sam

...along with foundation piecing his Christmas stocking. (I also made that quilt top in the background in the photos)

One of my favorite undertakings was the series of hats I made for the wee guests at Sam's 1st birthday party.

because I'd so fallen in love with Sam wearing this one, that I'd made earlier.

I know - any opportunity to use this photo...

Other efforts at recycling clothes into other clothes worked out better...

That I love sewing is no secret. Crafts in particular, but with a fast-growing toddler, I'm getting more and more in to clothing. Said toddler also prefers stretch fabrics, which are always a little bit intimidating on a "regular" sewing machine. However...

Within a couple weeks, I will be getting on one of these

in order to go to our new home, here

in rural Pennsylvania (where voltage won't be a problem...)

We will NOT be taking our household with us, instead trying to fit our most essential essentials into our luggage allowance of 4 50-lb suitcases. Which means my (semi-) trusty sewing machine

will be donated to one of the women's rehabilitation / vocational training programs here in Mumbai.

I have grand plans of all the things I will be sewing when I reach Pennsylvania.
-protective aprons for the laying hens we'll have

a few dresses

a very cool craft project for Sam to learn about farms (and just plain have fun!)

A sunbonnet that unbuttons into an apron for gathering vegetables and berries after looking after all the rows in our new garden

Then I have grand plans for altering the skirt fullness and button placard of this pattern and making this out of soft grey wool as a fab winter coat over all my ankle length skirts (no - not practical for a small farm, but gorgeous for dressier outings)

and about a hundred other projects.

So far, for a sewing machine, I will be sharing this 100 year old treadle machine with my mother, which she just bought from a friend of a friend, and that neither of us knows how to use well, yet.

(Not kidding).

And while I love any opportunity to share with my mom

I'm betting all those sewing projects would turn out smoother (and with more even seams), if I could make them on a brand-spanking-new Husqvarna s21 Serger.

And what with that 15 month old toddler, a husband, a herd of goats, flock of (apron-wearing) chickens, and all the vegetables we'll be growing (and picking while I wear my bonnet-to-apron), it'd go a lot faster with all the features this particular model has, too.

So...
Please pick me.
My whole family would be very appreciative.

And I promise I'll share it with my mom...

Sleeping Peacefully

2010-08-30T02:23:00.002-04:00

He is like a wind-up toy using the last of the stored up kinetic energy when we go to bed. As he nurses, his head laying on my arm, his knees alternate between being drawn up against my belly and stretching as he contemplates one last sprint. Slowly, slowly his arms stop searching for the toy he set down when we scampered in to bed, his father giving chase while roaring like a dinosaur.

He dreams of playing patty cake, of running through the living room, of long conversations about Very Important Things. I know this because his hands make the movements, his body twitches like a runner, and he whispers in long spells of babble. By early morning, he's finally exhausted himself into a sound sleep, whatever last activity he'd dreamed of forming his pose.

Random Moments - He will Grow Up Too Fast

2010-08-30T02:04:00.001-04:00

Amol took these photos the other day while I was playing with Sam. As I downloaded them from the camera, I was hit with a moment of melancholy as I realized with total certainty that he will grow up too fast. For only a short while longer will I get to hear a giggle that captures pure joy as I blow raspberries on a tiny belly

But I'm hoping the sweet kisses that just brush the skin will last a bit longer...

Ephesians on the Brain

2010-08-25T01:05:00.002-04:00

Israel was G-d's chosen people due to specific attitudes of a few specific people (think one person can't make a difference? There's an entire "story" of mankind that pivots on individuals, their beliefs and subsequent actions, that has shaped vast parts of society today). In the beginning, G-d had a very intimate relationship with Adam, Eve, and the kids. We know that after there was already some going forth and multiplying that it was with Eve's son, Seth and his son, that "people began to call upon the name of Adonai, G-d." HE revealed Himself in a whole new way to Abraham with a progression of directions and establishment of covenant (Genesis 12-15). Throughout the Word, we see a steady escalation of G-d being present in the lives of His people. But through much of the early history of man's relationship with G-d, you were either part of the close-knit birth family or, depending on the political environment of the time, you were accepted as a visitor by merit of being joined in relationship through worship of G-d. It is the changing nature of this relationship, who was in it, and to what extent on which I have been lately meditating.

Let's take it back in time. WAY back in time.

In the original Hebrew Scriptures, there is a distinct difference made between a 'ger' and a 'nekar' (transliterated Hebrew). Both words have, unfortunately, gotten translated as "stranger" for most of the Scriptures, particularly in the common Septaguent-as-middle-step-translation versions. But the difference in meaning matters. A lot, I feel.

A 'nekar' was truly a stranger to the ways of the Hebrews and G-d. These were the people your Father warned you about (35 times, in fact); the pagans that had the strong potential of distracting people from living a set-apart life. Just about every time they entered the picture, there ended up being some smiting in an effort to clean up the mess.

Then there was the 'ger'. Gers are mentioned a staggering 92 times across the Scriptures. These are the folks who watched the set-apart life of the tribes and 'saw that it was good'. Good enough that they lived amongst the Hebrews, taking up all the same instructions for life and receiving the same blessings for the time being. 48 of those 92 mentions happened between Leviticus and Deuteronomy (ie, the intensive "Rules for Life" sections) - G-d was serious about making a place for them. Still, if you dig in to the definition of a ger, we're looking at a "newcomer lacking inherited rights..., though conceded rights."

These gers were included under those amazing words, "I will be their God and they will be my people," but they were always, always outsiders. They got to be in relationship, but they were the fifth wheel, the extra chair at the dinner table, the people for whom allowances were made even as all the same standards explicitly applied.

Some of these gers were the Egyptians who left with the Hebrews after G-d took the opportunity of effecting a miraculous exodus from centuries of slavery. It's noteworthy to me that this seems to be the point when what was essentially the private god of Israel makes sure it is known far and wide just who He was (is) and the significance of that. We have progression and escalation again.

Skip ahead a couple millenia. The G-d of Israel who welcomed outsiders but was still effectively overseeing a "closed community" threw open the floodgates. Paul tells us this is one of the Mysteries, that it has always been the plan to bring relationship into the full population, so that the "manifold wisdom of God might now be made known". With this move, all pretense of labels could be thrown out, Hebrews, God-Fearers, proselytes, etc., so long as faith was placed in G-d through recognition of Jesus-Yeshua as His Messiah.

Through Jesus-Yeshua, we see the movement from ger as foster child living with a family (let alone those who went from total non-believers to Followers), to the advent of the fully 'naturalized' child finding equality and citizenship.

As I've been meditating on this, I've been humbled to see the adoption analogy in an even fuller light.
This isn't just the adoption of a baby who may or may not fully comprehend what it means to have been brought in to a family so fully. And it definitely isn't the story of the adopted child who then tries to supersede the other siblings and take over the family legacy (though that is, unfortunately, where the church seems to have gone).
No, this adoption is of the magnitude of the child in a war-torn conflict. While conscious of the surroundings, the horrors don't seem so horrendous when sitting in the middle of them, mentally and emotionally anesthetized. But as a late bloomer in my Belief, I have the dubious privilege of having another version of life to look back on and see what I was rescued from - it is a picture of a dreary, strip-mined wasteland filled with so many distorted perceptions.

G-d has always been there. First to a small but growing family. Then, he began narrowing down family lines (Noah, Abraham, Jacob, David...), working through branches of family trees. After He pruned this tree that is His People so carefully, I can't help but be in awe that He identified an area for the rest of us, sent Jesus-Yeshua in order to call us to Him in spectacular fashion, and then used His blood as the joining glue to graft us in.

It's interesting to me that in my first turn in the church as a child, following the "New Testament" almost exclusively, I knew only Jesus and regarded God as a pretty angry being that didn't really need to be dealt with anymore. Having come to Him again and being dramatically impacted by reading the Bible in its entirety, I'm so in awe and attached to G-d that I often forget to truly revere the role Jesus-Yeshua has played in the fact that I can now draw near. I also forget that the communion we have with Him is a privilege and honor. That truly our worship and praise should first be that we even get to offer up that worship and praise...

It's something I'm working on rectifying.

Those Chosen of G-d may be a stiff-necked people, but at least that helps me blend in...

Fun times: Bible depicted in Lego