Meanwhile, on the Homestead Front...

It's been a long time since I mentioned what's happening around God's Abode.

As for the animals, it turns out one of the carports we converted to a barn didn't handle the cold so well, and was starting to tear apart at the seams (seems to have been a problem with that batch of product because our 2nd one was doing just fine). Since we can't fix it till Spring, and since by then we'll hopefully have collected enough salvaged lumber to build a proper out-building, we stripped the "barn" and took our goats for a walk down the road where they are now boarding in our neighbor's barn for the Winter.

We butchered about half the chickens a couple months ago. The remaining dozen have finally started laying fairly regularly, though scantily, as would be expected in Winter. I combined two of the coops - the stationary one built from pallets and the mobile one, draped with a tarp, in order to provide a windproof area with enough room to move about freely. It's not pretty, but it's surprisingly effective, especially with a fresh layer of straw to cover droppings and give warm bedding. There's an area where they can hop the "fence" and wander the yard when they want, since it's been such a mild winter. A bit of grass and fresh bugs only seems fair now that we're getting half a dozen eggs every day.

Of course, there will always be the rebellious couple of chickens that take advantage of the free ranging opportunities. I can count on anywhere from 2-4 eggs every day in the cat's covered bed on our porch. These ladies come up in the morning, regardless of how much snow they have to wade through and "yell" at the cats until they vacate their soft, insulated bed. Then they hang out for a while, considering their eggs to be rent, I suppose.

Unfortunately, an update on animals provides a segue into an update on our people...

A deer decided Amol needed some excitement on his drive home from work.

A few days later, another deer tried to take out the other side, but Amol was able to steer just enough to clip the same corner, taking out the rest of the bumper on that side. Happily, the second deer incident occurred between getting the estimate and the actual work done. But we're thinking Pennsylvania (or at least Crawford County) should consider re-opening deer season now that there's some snow on the ground to help with tracking...

In another animal:person update, Sam would happily tell you all about Honey, his "new" pony.

Life doesn't get any better for a little boy than having his own pony, even if it boards down the road at our neighbor's barn for the moment (at least she and the goats can exchange stories). She was given to us by a good friend who does a lot of larger animal re-homing.

Sam himself is doing wonderfully. He continues to explore and grow and has now developed enough words to really let his personality shine through in conversation. I quite enjoy him and get a good laugh at least once a day through some experiment or other that he conducts in order to "do it himself".

Clearly, I'm smitten.

WTB 5 - Why Doesn't God Fix It?

A common refrain in the debates over whether there is a God and whether He is good is, "If He's so all-powerful and loving, why doesn't He fix all the bad stuff, or allow it to happen in the first place?"

The answer to the latter is easy: He didn't allow it. He gave specific instructions against it. But first we rebelled by eating from the only excluded tree. Then He gave us a bunch of rules to live by (most of which can be summed up as "don't do bad stuff to each other"), and we rebelled again. Then he took those rules and gave us a living embodiment of himself in our hearts to always remind us and whisper into our consciences. Still we rebelled. He did not allow any of it. What He allowed was the amazing gift of free will. It was us who chose to allow such atrocities against Creation.

It has long been a complaint of mine that in the Great Debates, many who believe in God aren't able to respond to the allegations of a morally monstrous God with accounts of genocide and favoritism amounting to racial prejudice. From the time God established His covenant with Abraham, on a hillside where Abraham slept amongst the butchered bodies of the animals he sacrificed, it was known that the region that would eventually become the land of Israel would spiral into such moral decay as to be deemed evil in every aspect. God had already said Isra'el would be slaves 400 years and only then brought back to the land to claim it because only then would the degree of evil become "ripe enough to punish". That's reiterated in a couple places and came up again in today's writing:

After the LORD helps you wipe out these nations and conquer their land, don't think he did it because you are such good people. You aren't good - you are stubborn! No, the LORD is going to help you, because the nations that live there are evil, and because he wants to keep the promise he made to your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Deut 9:4-6  (CEV)

God also takes care of that argument of favoritism here. Isra'el was and is, indeed, chosen. They were chosen through an express agreement. It's also worth noting that while they had the same free will as anyone else, they were kept on the "straight and narrow" (and prevented from falling as deeply into a pit of evil as all the other nations) by being particularly chastised and disciplined. While other nations had centuries of doing what seemed good in their eyes with no immediate repercussions, Israel was handed over to enslavement, had chasms rip through the middle of camp taking out the tents of those who pilfered, were smote with plagues, and pretty strictly kept in line. They were favored, but never forget it came at a price of having to live up to the reputation of "God's Chosen People". They were the modern day equivalent of the Pastor's kids; still able to rebel but held perhaps a bit more tightly in line because everyone would be watching to see what the walk looks like to go with the talk.

But another thought occurred to me this morning as I was writing these passages. If we understand that the land was filled with people so evil as to do what they did (and history and archaeology in secondary sources tell us it was some pretty horrendous stuff), God was using Isra'el as an extremely targeted, scalpel-like instrument to remove the most evil elements. He was, in short, "fixing it". And look at what many have done with that account a couple millennium later - it is used to show how awful God is and why people should turn away from Him. It is also a historical lesson in 'be careful what you wish for'. I expect if God were to "fix" the many bad things in our world, there would be widespread death and carnage as the negative elements were removed. As we look at the account of Israel moving across the land and cringe, even as some of us try to hold it in a certain context, it is not an easy scene to assimilate. Could we handle that in our own day and age?

More than that, do we understand that the Word we're given is a powerful tool of witness and explanation (not to be confused with defending). In one breath, a person will ask, "If God is so loving, why doesn't He fix the world" and then in the next breath ask, "If God is so loving, how could He have wiped out whole nations of people?" And for us, it is a perfect opportunity to declare that He wouldn't be much of a Creator God if we fully understood His ways, but it sure seems like a case of an unanswered prayer being easier to bare than if He truly fixed it as we sometimes ask...

WTB 4 - My Beloved Sh'ma

 
Sh'ma Isra'el! ADONAI Eloheinu ADONAI Echad.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
And you are to love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your might (or resources).

I love what is called "The Shema," a group of verses that begins with the above, Deut 6:4-5. It stood out to me the first time I read through the Old Testament and remains one of my very most favorite pieces of Scripture. I sing it to myself sometimes. I sing it to Sam often. He sings it to me and to Amol just as often. In Hebrew. It's the one piece of Scripture Amol knows by heart. In the children's books I got Sam (The Bedtime Sh'ma and  Modeh Ani), his favorite page is when we get to this phrase.

A quick break down of the original language of this, according to Strong's, makes this a very emphatic and urgent verse.
Sh'ma - Hear. But not just to register an auditory signal. No, this is "to hear intelligently with implication of attention, obedience, and causatively, to tell or proclaim."
ADONAI or LORD is to let us know the actual use of the specific name of God was used, reserved for times when only the most reverent reference will do. And here it's used twice in a row. That tells us something.
Finally, Echad - one. A rich word meaning one, first, and interestingly, united.

It is Scripture like this that makes me wish I knew Hebrew to read it in its original fullness, though something about it just stands out as important in any language. And it is, which is why amongst our Jewish cousins, it is repeated 3 times a day, to always keep it forefront in the mind and first in the heart. It is also the most important commandment, according to Jesus. It poetically goes on:

Hear, Israel! The LORD our God, the LORD is one.

And you are to love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your being, and all your resources. These Words, which I am commanding you today shall be in your heart, and you shall be careful to impress them upon your children, and shall speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up...  Deut 6:4-7 (CJB & The Scriptures)

In other words, this thought is to be all-consuming and we are to consciously make it so. With that in mind, Moses goes on to give specific teachings and laws - the Torah or Law. Because I just can't let this one slide by, it's worth noting that even then, God's Law was intended to be on our hearts and did not come only with the advent of the indwelling Holy Spirit.

What would that look like, to hold the Word of God so dearly that we made a very specific effort to give voice to it multiple times a day in just about any scenario? Would it help to keep our children from leaving God's family? Would it help to keep hearts soft so that they continue to grow spiritually rather than becoming ambivalent about an extended relationship with God? Could it help someone find their long lost children after death and tragedy and extended separation?

I've known I loved the Sh'ma and what it represents since first coming to it. But after reading the following story, I revere it in a more powerful way that extends beyond the poetic or its ability to calm my sometimes-ravaged soul.

In 1945, Rabbi Eliezer Silver headed up the search for thousands of displaced Jewish children across Europe.  The rabbi had a promising lead with a report that a monastery in southern France had taken in Jewish children. But the priest in charge was of little help, declaring that to his knowledge, all of their children were Christians. He scanned their small faces—many had lived there since they were toddlers. How could he know if any of them were from Jewish families? He asked if he could visit the wards. In front of the children he began singing in Hebrew, “Shema Israel, Adonai Elohenu, Adonai Echad.” (Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.) A handful of faces lit up, and tiny voices from around the room joined in. They recognized these ancient words from their bedtime prayers, and from their earliest memories of their mothers and fathers reciting them each morning and evening, during their own prayers.  (excerpted from Lois Tverberg's blog and her upcoming book, "Walking in the Dust of Rabbi Jesus")

Dearest Adonai,
May I never forget the power You hold in my life and what it means to call you Father. More than that, may I never falter in making sure Sam sees me giving you the credit and the glory and the love and making sure he knows that above all else, is You.  Amen.

WTB 3 - Admonitions from Moses

I have a tendency to sink in to mental lethargy and depression. Depression is, at its heart, a selfish illness. The world closes in to only you and how you see it in that moment. I don't mean it's about living in the present; rather (at least for me) it includes taking all the garbage from the past and bringing the shame of that to this moment while also looking into the future and projecting that shame and hopelessness onto those experiences to come, as well. It shrinks everything to only your own perceptions of self and flippantly disregards the kindness and love that others have towards you. It makes everything about 'me' and 'I' and the negatives of the world.

In writing Deuteronomy 4, Moses had a few admonishments for me as I wallowed in self-pity. Deuteronomy 4 is a fantastic chapter all the way around. I could probably spend weeks fleshing out the many important things shared in this particular portion of Moses' writings. But what really knocked me upside the head is:

You must be very careful not to forget the things you have seen God do for you. Keep reminding yourselves, and tell your children and grandchildren, as well. (4:9, CEV)

In my deepest moments of depression, I am feeding my mental imbalance (in an all-you-can-eat buffet) by remembering what I have done for myself and how badly it turned out. I am showing my husband, my friends, my family and most importantly my child how much I dwell on my own actions and sense of self. And as I am sitting in the middle of my own echoing head, wallowing in the muck and mud of Me, here comes Moses with his staff raised, reminding me I must be very careful, because I'm replacing God in these moments.

I've been living a rather supernatural life for almost 3 years. Truly, it's been astonishing and when I'm careful to offer up the thanks and the glory and speak openly about the tremendous things God has done in my life, I can't help but be in awe. For the most part,the demons that haunt my head and conscience are silenced in the presence of that awe. It is when I quit reminding myself or let those vicious inner voices speak over the remembering that I sink to a place that is very hard to reach.

God is much more awesome than me. I don't ever want to live on my own strength again. It's just not a very good place to be. And sometimes it takes someone like Moses, with his fits of anger and powerful intercessions and unquestionable compassion to remind me what's necessary and what it is I'm passing on to my child in any given moment. It's also testament to why we need to be in communion with God through the many channels available to us; He is still speaking to us and when we can't hear one call, He'll get through to us through another one. In whatever state of mind we find ourselves, we must still hold on to our commitment to God- He WILL find a way to direct our paths now matter how deafening our internal voices. It's a Truth for which I'm profoundly grateful.

Adonai, Master of the World, give us knowledge.
After giving us knowledge, accept our repentance.
After accepting our repentance, forgive our shortcomings.
After forgiving us our shortcomings, redeem us.
After redeeming us, heal us.
After healing us, bless our lives.
After blessing our lives, bring us together.
After bringing us together, judge us fairly.
After judging us fairly, defeat the evil in us.
After defeating our evil, strengthen our inclination to do good.
Now that we are holy before You, make the Earth heavenly for us.
Hear our prayers and make us worthy of Your goodness.

-from the Amida

WTB 2 - No Free Lunch for the Chosen

In writing Deuteronomy 2, I kept underlining phrases that stood out to me. In simply reading, this was the chapter that marked  Israel moving from Sinai towards the first of the battles that would bring them the Promised Land. But this time, phrase by phrase, I saw something else. At first, I was noticing that God was warning them to follow his instructions exactly and not get into fresh trouble (no surprise there). Then, I noticed a more regular trend. Things like:
Be very careful (v4)

I have given them (v5)

You will have to buy (v6)
Before the LORD gave the Moabites their land (v10)
I gave them their land (v19)
The LORD helped them (the Ammonites) as he had helped the Edomites (v22)

I couldn't help but think how frustrating it might be to have been a People chosen by God, knowledgeable about that special status, wandering for 38 years with your parents having recently died (v 14) as punishment for being stubborn and untrusting (oh yeah, after 430 years of slavery), and what do you have? Consistent warnings to not get into any tiffs with the locals because God had already given them their land. What's more, anything needed must be paid for. Challenge after challenge and for what? To learn your relatives (v8), those outside the explicit blessing, are already settled and comfortable...

But then, in verse 25, we see the next words, "Today I will start...", and that's when the action begins on behalf of Israel; God causes adversaries to fall with nary a fight.

I can't help but think on my own journey. As with any follower of G-D, I am promised great trials as well as great rewards. If I can be brave enough and steady enough and trusting enough, I can represent the Kingdom sincerely enough to witness great joy and experience the growth of Fruits beyond my wildest imaginings. But to get there, I must stay the course, just as my Hebrew ancestors did. Ultimately, while it took longer, entailed more challenges, and even saw more loss and, yes, death, holding fast to the promised blessing brought extraordinary response from the Father.

I still genuinely believe I am where I am today because there is something I'm intended for. It may be as simple (and profound) as spiritually influencing the 1,500 sq ft that is our home. It may be more. It may even be less. And I am the first to admit that I have many days that I lose heart and wonder what madness led me to think I'm in a chosen place at a chosen time. But I take heart from chapters like Deuteronomy 2. That I am not the first to traverse lands that make little sense to me, filled with stories of others who are nicely settled and seem to have order to their lives. Instead, I shall continue to move forward, trusting that I will find the Jordan some day, either in this life or the next...

In other news.... a stove update

Anyone who knows me or has read my blog in the last year or so knows how much I love my stove. I also chronicled a bit of our learning curve with the coal burning stove last year.

There were some definite down sides to the layout of our house and the lack of heat circulation creating a tropical climate in the living room and upstairs while the kitchen and downstairs bedrooms alternated between moderate and walk-in refrigerators. It also bugged me that we had to use up propane to turn on my kitchen stove when I had a heat source already going (the design of our coal stove didn't allow things set on top to get hot enough to boil water or cook anything). So we were paying for propane to cook, paying a lot for coal to heat, and it seemed kind of riciculous since one 'appliance' should be able to do both while I looked out at our orchard tree trimmings laying on the ground and some very large but dead trees across our acreage.

So we came up with a solution...

True to form (my India friends will recognize and appreciate this), we had a friend confirm where the weight-bearing columns were, and then got out the sawz-all and took out half the wall dividing the kitchen and living room. Circulation problem partially solved, we looked at slightly re-routing the chimney to the kitchen side instead of the living room side. It's fortunate we did since it turns out our chimney was in awful shape; we can only chalk it up to God looking out for us that our house didn't burn down last year. The part that was enclosed was a terra cotta thimble and was cracked and broken with twigs and birds' nests packed in tight... So in addition to redesigning our house layout, we installed a brand new chimney.

We bought our neighbor's old wood cook stove and got it moved in.

And since this is an old farm house, where it is recognized that the heart of the house is the kitchen (and so is a sizable room), I even had space to put a couch in next to it, so I can cozy up while I'm stoking the fire in the mornings...

So now we're heating with old oak cut down from our property, heating our house while (sometimes) cooking our meals. It makes my heart happy.

WTB 1 - It Seemed Like a Good Idea

From recent writings from Deuteronomy, a glimpse at Chapter 1, verse 23.

There have been many situations in my life that have left me a bit perplexed in just how I got to that place. While there's very rarely a simple, single factor, it's not unusual for me to be able to pinpoint  the critical juncture for everything that followed. In retrospect, I can shake my head at the folly - information I didn't have or had discounted, assumptions about necessary factors, the reliance on emotion and what felt right rather than rational and objective reasoning... And in that moment of analysis, all I can say is, "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Which is why I was so amused and, yes, heartened to come across the kernel of this phrase in Moses' great retelling of Israel's sojourn up to the point of reaching the Jordan. That's what Deuteronomy basically is: the action-packed, emotionally-charged memoir of a people and it's divinely-guided leader over 40 years that would be the basis for the next 3,500.

In regards to the suggestion made to Moses by the tribes to send out a reconnaissance team to the land GOD had set apart for them, Deuteronomy 1:23 says,

"It seemed like a good idea, so I chose twelve men, one from each tribe."  (CEV, though several other translations use the same phrase)

Within a couple verses, we are reminded just how badly that went with most of the recon team being certain it would be too dangerous, demoralizing the Nation, and incurring the wrath of GOD. Two particular long-term results came about; the Nation, instead of going directly to their new digs, spent the next 40 years circling a mountain a few days' walk away, learning what it is to be God's chosen and giving time for the untrusting generation to die out. The other is that, as a direct result of the unending wandering and incessant whining, in a moment of frustration, Moses doesn't follow GOD's instructions to the 'T', and loses his own ticket into the Promised Land.


Moses is one of my favorite Bible heroes. He had a humility to which I can only aspire. He repeatedly showed a compassion for those he was stewarding that outdoes the patience of any mother for her tantrum-throwing toddler. And I'm more than a little bit awed by his physical stamina and ability to work with any situation. But he was also profoundly human. He regularly had conversations with GOD and by his own accounts, he was frequently complaining about and asking for relief from his stubborn charges. He was phenomenal, but also irritable, moody, and not above bringing up grudges and finger-pointing. Sometimes I think he also wasn't particularly gracious about accepting his own responsibility for negative outcomes.

Moses was and is revered; and rightly so. What an amazing tool he allowed himself to be during a critical time in the history of GOD revealing Himself to us. It would be easy to look at him and in comparison, determine that I will never have any value in serving GOD's purpose; I will never be Moses' equal.

But then, I read Moses' memoir of one of his critical decisions and he says something so akin to my own explanations for things past. And I'm heartened that while there are oceans of difference between Moses and I, perhaps I am still useful, too. Most importantly for me, when I look at how this all still fit GOD's plan, I begin to think that all those decisions I made while not in relationship with GOD may still turn out to be useful to His overall purpose.

I feel a certain kinship as I picture Moses standing at his lookout point, exhausted from years of leading an often ungrateful-people until their children can claim the land he once aspired to, thinking to himself,

"it seemed like a good idea to me...at the time"

and suddenly I can relate with a new-found hope that, within our shared sentiment, even my story may still be used for good.